The Farmer & His Wife

John Taylor likes to beat the Christmas rush.

IT was about half-past nine one Friday morning. The phone rang. Anne answered, as usual. “It’s for you.”

“Mr Taylor? Your order has arrived. Shall I post them?” a woman’s voice said.

“Thank you. I’ll pick them up next time I’m in.”

Anne was listening, but she couldn’t make much sense out of my reply.

“Was she a blonde?” she asked to prompt an explanation.

“Oh, a real smasher. And so helpful!”

To be honest, my caller was a middle-aged lady in a shop in Perth! But I wasn’t going to tell Anne that . . .

Unlike some husbands, I don’t leave Christmas shopping all to my wife. I love to give people presents. Sometimes it’s only a small thing, but it’s always been chosen with a lot of thought.

I know there are people who actually enjoy running around on Christmas Eve for that last-minute present. I don’t – I started back in February.

Anne and I were in Perth at the bull sales. The bulls are beautifully groomed before they go into the judging ring. So are the farmers’ wives, who are determined to be a credit to their husbands and outdo each other!

Anne looked very smart in her tartan skirt and jacket. It was a chilly day, so she wore a fur hat and a pair of sturdy walking shoes. She’s been to Perth in February before.

We met our daughter Mary for lunch in a hotel, then I stayed in the lounge for a snooze while Anne and Mary went shopping.

Later, I wandered down St John Street, which was full of really high-class shops. The one I went into is really a ladies’ shop with a café. It has a gents’ section where the assistants know us.

They were disappointed that Anne wasn’t with me. She usually tells me what I need, and I buy it.

I bought nothing for myself. Instead, I got four pairs of socks for my grandchildren’s Christmas pillow-cases. Then I noticed the packets of three white handkerchiefs with initials on them. Great idea!

I needed four packets – two with C, one with A and one with N. They only had one C and one A.

“Sorry, Mr Taylor. We can order a C and an N for you.”

Today’s call was to tell me the handkerchiefs had arrived. I picked them up later and put them on the shelf in the spare bedroom, where I collect all the odds and ends for Christmas. So you see, I’m all set for Christmas!