Life After Owen by Teresa Ashby

EMILY was sitting in the garden with her toddler, Ellie, when the rescue helicopter flew over.

Ellie thought it was very exciting, but Emily couldn’t stop a tiny shiver of dread running down her spine. There were dozens of people out on the water today – including Owen.

She could see the estuary from the bedroom window of their old coastguard cottage, and when she’d looked earlier it had seemed to be full of white sails.

Not that Owen sailed; he had a small power boat, and had gone fishing with his best friend, Niall.

Emily smiled, thinking how rarely it was that they caught anything. But it wasn’t really about the fishing.

Owen just loved being on the water, especially on a warm, sunny day like today.

“We’ll have fish and chips when I get home,” he’d promised as he left, his tawny eyes twinkling. “Probably from Herb’s chippy.”

Then he’d put his arm around her, kissed her and Ellie one after the other, and hurried out to Niall’s waiting car.

He couldn’t wait until Ellie was older, so they could all go out on the boat together and motor along the coast.

Emily looked at Ellie, who held her arms up towards a fluttering butterfly.

She thought how perfect her life was. She had everything she’d ever wanted: a loving husband, a beautiful child and a home by the sea.

“You’re so bright,” her mum used to say in frustration, when Emily was growing up.

“You could be a lawyer or a doctor or a teacher. Surely you want to be more than just a wife and mother?”

“What else is there?” Emily had replied dreamily.

Her mother hadn’t followed her own dream to be an actor, and she didn’t want Emily to be haunted by regrets as she was.

But that was never going to happen to her, because Emily was doing what she loved.

She enjoyed her job in the library, but that didn’t stop her mum trying to persuade her to do a course and get the qualifications she’d missed out on by not going to university.

“Shall we have a picnic in the garden, Ellie?” Emily asked.

It was only later, when she answered a knock on the door and saw Niall standing there, dripping wet and wrapped in a foil blanket, that she remembered the helicopter flying overhead.

He was with a police officer and a paramedic. An ambulance was parked outside.

Emily made to run to it, but Niall caught her arm.

“I’m so sorry, Em,” he said. “There was an accident. We capsized.” “Where’s Owen?” “They haven’t been able to find him yet,” Niall said. “I was barely conscious myself when they pulled me into the lifeboat.”

“No!” she cried. “How is that possible? It’s as calm as anything out there!”

The police officer led her inside.

“Now will you come to hospital and get checked out, Niall? Please?” she heard the paramedic ask.

“I’m sorry, Emily,” Niall

Niall was always there for her. But Emily couldn’t forget the past . . .

called out as he was led away. “I’m so sorry.”

****

“Mum! Wake up! It’s a helicopter!” Ellie shouted. Emily woke with a start. For a moment she didn’t know where she was, and was puzzled that Ellie was so big.

Then the world tilted back into place.

She must have heard the helicopter in her sleep, bringing back the memory of that awful day seven years ago, and turning a dream into a nightmare.

“Is it, darling?” she asked.

There were always helicopters going over their house, and Ellie never failed to be excited by them.

But for Emily, they made her think of the day her life changed for ever.

“Quick! Look!” Ellie said, but by the time Emily got to the window, the helicopter was out of sight. “You missed it!”

“Never mind,” Emily said flatly.

“Are you all right, Mum?” “Yes, I’m fine.”

She found a smile when she heard Holly, their little Westie, scampering up the stairs. She had been a gift from Niall three years ago, after someone took her into the vet’s surgery and never came back for her.

They would only need to keep her for a while, he’d said. But Holly had found her for-ever home the minute Emily and Ellie set eyes on her.

She burst into the bedroom and whirled round, her little tail spinning with excitement.

Emily scooped the dog up in her arms, and she wiggled and squirmed.

“You wouldn’t be so excited if you knew where you were going today,” Emily said with a laugh.

“Poor Holly,” Ellie said, cupping her hands over Holly’s ears. “She has no idea she’s got to have an injection.”

“She’ll be fine.”

“Are we going to visit Nanna afterwards?”

“Yes,” Emily said. “She’s invited us for lunch.”

She adored her mum, but sometimes she really dreaded visiting her, because the subject of her bettering herself invariably came up.

****

Ellie leaned forward and watched as Niall gave Holly an injection.

“Does it hurt?”

“Not if you do it right,” Niall replied. “Good girl, Holly. That wasn’t so bad, was it? Can she have a treat, do you think?” He raised an eyebrow at Emily, and she nodded her consent.

Niall got a jar down from the shelf, and took out a bone-shaped biscuit.

“There you go, Holly. Well done. So, Ellie, do you still think you’d like to be a vet when you grow up?” Ellie looked thoughtful. “No, I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to be a doctor.”

“Really?” Niall asked, surprised.

“I’m not keen on snakes,” Ellie confided. “Nanna said I wouldn’t just get to see cute kittens and puppies – there’d be lizards and snakes and big hairy spiders as well.”

“We don’t get a lot of spiders and snakes in,” Niall said. “And our new vet, Lucinda, sees them. We all have our specialities. But you’re still young, Ellie. Plenty of time to make up your mind.”

“Thanks, Niall,” Emily said. She could hardly bear to look him in the eye.

She still saw him as she had in her nightmare: dark hair dripping round his face, his eyes full of pain.

“My pleasure,” he said, as Emily lifted Holly down from the table.

“How are you doing?” he said, suddenly serious. “Are you OK?”

It was a long time since he’d asked her that, and she burbled an answer.

“If you need to talk, any time,” he said, his frown deepening, “call me.”

But what was there to talk about? Niall had lost his best friend on the day she lost her husband. No amount of words would bring him back.

After leaving the surgery, they took Holly for a long walk through the woods. As they watched her charge round in the undergrowth, Ellie slipped her arm through Emily’s.

“Did you ever want to be a vet, Mum?”

“Me? No.” Emily laughed. “I just wanted to be a mum.”

“I don’t think I’m going to have any children,” Ellie said. “I’ll stick to cats and dogs. Liam’s got a baby sister, and he says she screams all the time!” She rolled her eyes. “I couldn’t be doing with that.”

****

Emily’s mum, Vanessa, had lunch ready for them. Her long brown hair was upswept and streaked with silver, with a few wisps round her face.

She wore a dress made from a patchwork of different fabrics.

“You look lovely, Mum,” Emily said as Vanessa hugged them.

“Nanna, you painted your nails all different colours.”

“Don’t they look fabulous?” She waved her fingers at them. “Actually, I didn’t have enough to do them all the same colour, so I thought, why not be a bit adventurous?”

“Will you do mine, Nanna?”

“I’d love to,” she said. “But after lunch. I’ve made a sweet potato and butternut squash curry.”

“Sounds interesting,” Emily said.

Just as she liked to make her own clothes with all sorts of different fabrics and colours, Vanessa liked to experiment in the kitchen – and the results were always tasty.

“So how did Holly get on at the vet’s?” she asked.

It was amazing that Vanessa hadn’t gone into acting. She was very good at it. But Emily could see right through her.

“Niall’s fine, thank you,” she answered.

“Oh, did you see him?” “You know very well I did,” Emily said. “And as I keep telling you, Niall and I are friends, that’s all.”

“I know that, darling,” Vanessa said. “I can’t see you ever loving another man after Owen – and quite right, too, if you ask me.”

Emily felt like poking her mother with a sharp implement to see if she was real, or just another dream.

Normally she nagged her to get closer to Niall, insisting that he was secretly in love with her and had been for years.

“And how about you, missy? Still going to be a vet?”

“I think you put her off it, Mum,” Emily said. “Why did you do that?” Vanessa shrugged.

“I don’t remember saying anything.”

“I’ve changed my mind, and I’m going to be a doctor instead.”

“A doctor?” Vanessa looked horrified. “Just remember people will come to you with problems with their smelly feet. And other parts of their anatomy usually kept under wraps.” “Mum!”

“I was just thinking about my friend Diane. She did a correspondence course on reflexology, then realised she couldn’t bear to touch other people’s feet. It’s as well to be forewarned about these things.”

“I don’t like other people’s feet,” Ellie said with a grimace. “Maybe it’s not such a good idea.”

“You’ve changed, Mum,” Emily said, when Ellie had gone for a walk round the garden with Holly. “What happened to it being important to have a proper career?”

“I’ve seen how happy you are,” Vanessa said with a shrug. “Well, as happy as you can be under the circumstances.

“But you took to being a mum like a

Niall had been Owen’s best friend, and she knew he felt guilty

blackbird to mealworms, and you seem to enjoy working in the library.”

Emily narrowed her eyes at her mother. This was most unlike her. “But?” she said.

“But what?” Vanessa replied airily.

“I seem to enjoy working in the library, but I could go to college and do better for myself, isn’t that what you usually say?”

“Nonsense. If you’re happy at the library, that’s all that matters, surely? Shall we eat?”

****

“Please stop shooting Ellie’s dreams down in flames, Mum,” Emily said when she popped in on her way to pick Ellie up from her guitar lesson one Saturday.

Every week it seemed that Ellie would have a new idea of what she wanted to do with her life, and every week, Vanessa would say something to put her off.

Accountants were boring and wore grey suits.

Lawyers had to defend murderers.

A flight attendant might see far-flung and glamorous places, but also had to deal with sick bags.

Vanessa seemed to have turned into Mrs Negative, and yet she seemed happier than ever before. “Is that what I’m doing?” “It’s what you’ve always done. You did it to me, and I won’t let you do it to her. If she wants to be a vet, or a doctor, or a deep sea diver, then she can be.”

Vanessa drew an invisible zip across her lips and smiled ruefully, but it wasn’t long before she was clearly itching to say something again.

“It’s not about you and Niall,” she began.

“There is no ‘me and Niall’,” Emily corrected her.

“I know! And it’s not about Ellie’s choice of career, or your lack of one. This is about me,” she said. “I have two pieces of news, actually. I’ve joined the local drama group.

“I have a part in their next production, and I’ve got a new job. I’m working as a receptionist at the vet’s. And the clients are much nicer than they were at the insurance company.”

“Wait, what?” Emily was dumbfounded. “When did all this happen? You’ve worked for the same insurance company since I was a child.”

“Far too long to be stuck in one place, don’t you think?” Vanessa asked. “It was when my boss said I was a fixture that I realised I had to move on. Be open to new things.

“When Niall mentioned he was looking for a receptionist it seemed like fate.”

“Niall? When do you see him?”

“He’s a member of the theatre group,” Vanessa said. “Do keep up, darling. He suggested I should join when I mentioned I had acting ambitions. A lot of successful actors don’t start until middle age.”

Emily’s head was spinning.

“When did he say that?” “Oh, I must have bumped into him somewhere. Lovely young man. Always stops for a chat.”

“Now don’t start with the ‘lovely young man’, Mum,” Emily said. “Niall is a friend, that’s all. A very good friend.”

“I know. You told me. Besides, there’s a lovely lady vet at the practice. Lucinda. Very pretty, and such a kind person.”

Emily bit her lip. She was determined not to let her mother see how miffed she felt at that.

“You mean Niall and Lucinda are seeing each other?”

“Well, of course they are. They see each other every day at the surgery.”

“You know perfectly well what I mean,” Emily said grumpily.

“Does it bother you?” “Absolutely not. Niall deserves to be happy. Why would that bother me?”

“Well, exactly,” Vanessa said. “He needs to move on. I think he’s suffered with survivor’s guilt for far too long.”

Emily stared. “Guilt? Niall?”

“Yes, of course. Didn’t you realise? I’ll come with you to get Ellie.

“I’ll stop all the reverse psychology, and take her to the reptile rescue place. Maybe we can see if she’s cut out to be vet after all.”

****

Emily took Holly for a long walk along the beach. It was quiet, and the damp sand was flat and unmarked by any other footprints.

She couldn’t stop thinking about Niall.

In all these years, she had never thought about him having survivor’s guilt. He’d never said anything to her about it.

But, then, he wouldn’t, would he?

He’d acted as a sponge for her grief, and at some point over the years, Emily realised she’d fallen in love with him.

She wasn’t sure whether it was when he handed the puppy to her, or when he picked Ellie up after she’d fallen and hoisted her on to his shoulders, making her giggle.

Or perhaps it had happened one evening when they watched a film together with a bottle of wine.

It felt wrong to have feelings for anyone, much less Owen’s best friend, but the feelings were there no matter how long she’d been trying to deny them.

And now he had Lucinda, who sounded glamorous and extremely capable.

Holly let out an excited yip and tore past Emily, heading back the way they’d come.

When Emily turned round, she could see several dogs bounding in and out of the water and racing up and down the beach.

Her heart stopped when she realised it was Niall. He was a soft touch, and had ended up with five unwanted dogs that people had brought into his surgery over the years, and goodness knew how many cats.

“Hi,” Niall said. “Where’s Ellie?”

“Gone to see some snakes with my mum,” she said. “She wants to conquer her fear so she can be a vet.”

“Brilliant,” Niall said. “I thought you’d be with Lucinda,” Emily said, and could have kicked herself.

She couldn’t have made it more obvious if she tried!

Niall frowned, and she realised how much she loved the way his forehead wrinkled.

“Why would I be with Lucinda? She’ll be busy at her rescue.”

“The reptile rescue?” “That’s the one. Is that where Vanessa’s taken Ellie? I remember her talking to Lucinda about it during the week. They’re as thick as thieves, those two.” “Really?”

Emily felt a prickle at the back of her neck. So even Vanessa was taken with Lucinda.

“Comparing notes. You know what grannies are like when they get together.” “Grannies?”

“Yes, Lucinda and Matthew have four grandchildren, I think.”

There was a sudden loud thrumming sound and the air seemed disturbed.

The dogs all stopped what they were doing, and a couple of them ran along the beach, barking at the sky.

Seconds later, the rescue helicopter appeared over the cliffs, on its way out to sea. Emily felt that old familiar tingle of dread.

She and Niall watched in silence.

“I’ll always miss him.” “So will I,” Emily said. “And I’ll always love you, Emily,” Niall added, turning to look at her. “I’m sorry, but I had to say it.”

“Don’t apologise,” she said. “I love you, too, Niall. I have for a long time.”

He looked surprised and confused.

“So where do we go from here?” he asked uncertainly.

“I think this is the part where we kiss,” she said, and he took a step closer towards her and pulled her into his arms.

The helicopter had gone, and all Emily could hear was the crash of the waves on the sand and the joyful barking of the dogs. ■