Coping With Bereavement

Our health writer, Jackie Mitchell, shares some helpful advice.

LOSING someone close to you can be a devastating experience, but even more so during the pandemic when it has been difficult to visit people to say goodbye.

Margaret Nimmo-smith, a trained bereavement volunteer with the charity Cruse Bereavement Care, says, “After a death you may feel shocked, numb, guilty, angry, afraid and full of pain.

“They are all ‘normal’ reactions to what may be the most difficult experience of your life. Over time these feelings should lessen.”

Some experience hallucinations of the person who has died which can be triggered by a whiff of perfume or a piece of music. Or they may have vivid dreams about the loved one.

“Hallucinations, or sensations, as I prefer to call them, normally wear off,” Margaret says, “and over time dreams settle down and the person begins to process the grief.”

If you’ve been unable to say goodbye to a loved one, Margaret suggests writing a letter to the person explaining what you would have liked to say to them.

“You can simply keep it or ask for it to be put in the coffin,” she suggests.

Following a bereavement, you will be kept busy organising the funeral and sorting out the person’s effects.

“It is entirely up to you when you do it,” Margaret says.

“You may have to get rid of items if the house is being sold, but be careful not to clear stuff too soon without consulting relatives.”

It’s important to look after yourself after a bereavement by eating properly and getting enough rest.

“Reach out to other people if you can and don’t feel you have to be strong and not show emotions.

“Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. Talking to other people about the person who died can help. If there is no-one to talk to, ring our helpline.”

In addition to the helpline, Cruse offers one-to-one bereavement support through counselling which can take place over the phone or via Zoom, and in normal times, groups.

Organising a funeral can be difficult as lockdown is eased. As things stand, only limited numbers of people are allowed to attend.

“These days you can arrange to have the funeral live-streamed and available as a video afterwards.

“People show their regard for the deceased in different ways – for example, in one village, friends lined the road where the person lived to pay their respects,” Margaret says.

Other ways you can remember a person include buying their favourite plant; creating a memory garden; setting up a memorial website; buying a name for a star; planting a tree.

“Over time, grief gets smaller. It doesn’t disappear but we learn to live with it. Life grows around it.

“Your life may take a different direction and open you up to new experiences which can be enriching.”

Visit www.cruse.org.uk or call the National Helpline on

0808 808 1677. ■