Living fast but dying old is fertile ground for perpetual crises in our modern lives

Ilike the story of the American boy whose report card said that he got a low grade in religious education. “When George Washington was your age,” his aggrieved father remonstrated, “he could read the books of the Bible backwards.”

The boy thought carefully for a moment then replied: “Dad, when George Washington was your age, he was president.”

Ouch. Follow that if you dare.

How to deal with the disappointments that life inevitably throws at you is a necessary skill, if one is to navigate human difficulties with a modicum of success.

There often comes a time when a full-scale appraisal of one’s life is necessary. It used to be the case that midlife was a recognised review point.

In recent years, the “midlife crisis” has been regarded almost as a necessary rite of passage.

This noble column has news for you. The pace of modern life is such that this is now being replaced by the “quarter-life crisis”.

I kid you not.

The online agency LinkedIn has published research that indicates that 75% of 25-to-33year-olds have experienced a quarter-life crisis, defined as “a period of insecurity and doubt that many people in their mid-20s to early 30s go through surrounding their career, relationships, and finances”.

Finding a job or career that they were passionate about was the top reason this age group felt anxious, even more so than about finding a life partner or dealing with student debt.

This new torrent of information almost makes one nostalgic for the old midlife crisis.

It used to be the prerogative of middle-aged men and women.

The quiet, respectable man with the paunch, and the wisps of hair which he parted south of his oxters, would suddenly shave his head, buy trendy gear, jump on a gleaming new HarleyDavidson motorbike and roar dramatically out of town with a young blonde on the pillion.

In a spirit of bravado, I tried this myself but my bike broke down in Orphir. I had to creep back home, wounded and humiliated.

Fortunately, my wife hadn’t even noticed I’d gone.

Some of this is common sense, some of it is simply comic. There is nothing more preposterous than middle-aged men pouring their less than svelte bodies into skintight gear in order to go out clubbing.

And there are few things more embarrassing for kids than to witness their mums, who used to be quiet Sunday school teachers, shaking their silicone-laden breasts to the arthritic Rolling Stones at the local den of iniquity.

In the old days, people didn’t live long enough to have a middle-age, or even a quarter-age crisis.

They didn’t have time, anyway – they were out toiling in the fields 18 hours a day, or giving birth.

Back to the research. It seems that some of the country’s most talented graduates who were fast-tracked into glittering careers have hit a quarter-life crisis.

Bogged down with debt and disillusioned with their jobs, the latest generation of professionals has become desperate to jump off the career ladder.

The study has found that eight out of 10 successful young people are in the throes of a crisis by the time they are in their late 20s.

Good grief. When I was in my late 20s, I was only in a crisis when Cowdenbeath football team lost. Mind you, that was every week.

How many life crises can one human being take? Is there a three-quarter crisis as well? I suppose we live life at such a pace nowadays, and there are so many pressures on people, that crises do come along more frequently.

All this poses questions about the way we live nowadays. Nobody would wish to go back to the “good old days” when people scratched for a living and had a very low life expectancy, and when diseases swept children away.

Huge improvements in public hygiene and in the production of drugs which keep us alive have dramatically extended the human life span.

We have far more disposable income nowadays – even in these troubled financial times – and cheaper air fares have enabled working families to enjoy holidays abroad.

We have labour-saving gadgets which make life easier for us. New computer technology has enabled us to be in touch with people on the other side of the world, with one click of a computer mouse.

Yet our lives are out of balance. The technology which was supposed to give us more leisure time is also grinding us down.

The red lights are flashing.