HITTING A HIGH NOTE

It was a surprise when I opened my wallet this week. No, not a surprise that I actually opened it, but what I saw when I did. Before you ask, Fyne Place is not now full of moths set free from their lengthy hibernation in that lovely leather pouch which is the only wallet I’ve ever owned. That came as no surprise to Mrs F who gently suggested that it might expect to last as long as an Egyptian mummy given its complete lack of wear and tear and the largely daylight-free environment in which it has been kept.

Harsh, but only slightly true.

Back to the surprise. It was simply that in one of the wallet’s pockets, I spotted a solitary £10 note. Not that unusual, normally, but it set me thinking about how long it had been there.

Like most folk, I haven’t used any cash in the past pandemic year. In the days when I did have any money about my person, it was only a few coins or a solitary note in my back pocket in case of emergencies, rather than carrying a bulky wallet.

Mrs F is wise enough not to let me out of her sight too often as she thinks I’m sometimes silly with siller, so she acts as my personal close-protection banker negating the need to lug any lolly of my own. Yes, a bit like the Queen, but there’s no way Mrs F would ever walk two paces behind me. She’s not into general genuflection to anyone, especially me.

The Covid crisis changed everything, though. No longer was cash the king. For a start, I couldn’t get to any shops, and even if I could, most were shut. Those that were open pleaded with us all to use a hygienic card, especially those with “hands free” chip and pin technology, rather than dirty cash.

Where would I get cash anyway? Largely restricted to a five-mile radius from our homes, most of the north and northeast is now considerably farther than that from the nearest bank. In fact, some of us are probably closer to the International Space Station than a working bank with full opening hours.

It’s ages since I was even in a bank given that they’re now becoming scarcer than an honest answer during an election debate.

Perhaps my unused £10 note dates from years ago? Maybe it was a childhood birthday present? As I said, my wallet is not overworked.

But changes could be on the way if plans by a north-east councillor to spark the embers of recovery into life come to fruition by creating an Aberdeenshire currency.

Martin Ford has suggested the county could introduce a “community currency” which uses specially designed banknotes or coins that can only be spent locally, as an alternative to national notes and coins. It aims to encourage spending in the local economy to help businesses recover from the ravages of the past year.

It’s an ambitious idea with many pros and cons attached, but details are still sketchy. Has any thought been given to what the currency could be called?

For my pennyworth, I think the basic note, equivalent to £10, should be called the Quine. As we all know, the Quine is the fundamental foundation around which much of the north-east’s economy revolves, especially when it comes to doing the shopping.

The £5 note should be called the Loon, as everyone knows that one Quine is worth at least two Loons.

Small coins could be called Midges as they are a compete nuisance, largely worthless and are always in the way.

The £20 note could be the Gossip, as that’s usually the combination of two Quines; while £50 notes could be Covidiots, which is an accumulation of at least 10 Loons.

I look forward to the day when I can travel to Fraserburgh, Inverurie, Stonehaven or Ballater and treat Mrs F by splashing out a couple of Aberdeenshire Quines on a nice meal, or maybe a Loon and a Midge on a fish supper.

For now, my rediscovered £10 is staying put in my wallet.

It would be such a wrench to part with it, after so long.

DORIC DOSH: How the new currency might look, above, and a fine fish supper could cost a Loon and Midge.