FROM ‘FERAL GROANS’ TO FITNESS GOALS

For the benefit of those reading online and not getting to see the paper’s layout, each Saturday, when we buy the P&J to see my column in print (the novelty still hasn’t worn off), I get to read your life magazine cover to cover in all its glory.

You’ll usually find me on the right-hand side somewhere near page 11. The remaining double spread page providing home to the weekly “Health” topic, always an interesting read.

Over the past four weeks, just in case you’ve missed a paper copy, there has been: “How to Get a Handle on Your Sleep”. Brilliant! Never usually an issue for me but occasionally a hint of insomnia will creep in.

“Take Action to Combat Back Pains”. Cracking! The mister and I are at an age now where aches and pains are making themselves known, and we tend to exhale a noise best described in a Billy Connolly sketch as a “feral groan” every time we stand up out of a chair.

“Take Action to Beat the Midlife Dip”. Now, I’ve been “dipping” since I was 27 but all help gladly received, thank you — read and noted.

Fourth weekly example?

“Fitness Fan to Step out for Charity”. An excellent article about Pete Grewar doing all his squats, hiking and sit-ups and so on to raise money for Cancer Research. Nothing short of admirable and, as a cancer patient who may potentially benefit from the research he’s helping to fund, delighted to hear it. Thank you, Mr Grewar, please keep on keeping on.

So, having realised I’ve been adjacent to the health chat for the entire time, I’m feeling a little “seen”. A little exposed, if you will.

Here I am merrily bleating on every month about what current ailment concerns me or has floored me, and I’m right next to all these perky souls living their best, possibly lycra-clad, lives.

I feel slightly ashamed and determined to do more somehow.

With almost impeccable timing, biggest kid has decided since school is finished, she has time to work on her fitness. Hardly being a great example, I’m all in favour of this, although being a woman that needs an afternoon nap just to function, I am far from qualified to advise.

She currently works in a job spending a lot of time in a wetsuit out on the water.

We’re trying to encourage her to cycle to work, but due to a fondness for her bed, this hasn’t happened quite yet.

A lovely friend of mine suggested a class she attends might suit perfectly. They now attend Farm Fit together, and have an absolute ball. She comes home full of stories involving tyre flipping and handsome instructors.

I’m not quite sure how far she’ll get with it before leaving for university but I am proud of her for implementing the changes and hopefully they’ll stick. Changes that have also encouraged the two smalls to attend a different class doing similar things. As a parent, you’ve got to love a positive domino effect.

The mister and the kids are fit-ish. Semi-fit. Kinda fit. They like the idea of being fit but equally, they like their food. We try to remind them eating sugar will only make them feel good for a few minutes (as opposed to saying out loud that not eating sugar makes you feel good for zero minutes).

I wish I could be a positive role model by being the type of person jogging every day, but instead I’m the person holding in a wee for an hour because I can’t be bothered going to the toilet. Or I’ll find myself playing that game where the floor is lava so, obviously, I can’t get out of my bed or I’ll die. Suddenly, it’s time to go to work and the plan for an early constitutional is discarded for another day.

With the kids and the mister all sorted on a better path, what would I like? To feel a little healthier and possibly have a waistline again? I imagine having a six-pack must be great, but I literally rearranged my internal organs three times to bring another life into the world. So as large as it might be, my stomach is damn impressive too.

Could farm fit be the fitness craze to get us all ‘moo-ving’?