The Press and Journal (Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire)
CHANGE IN TUNE
Churches traditionally enjoy services of lessons and carols during advent. So, with tightening pandemic restrictions making things awkward, here’s a Christmas carol-singing concert with Fyne Place’s male-voice choir. Just me, that is. Please join in.
Let us begin with: “O little town of Elgin, how still we see thee lie; a deck of cards decided things, when leader votes were tied.”
It’s amazing that the governance of Moray Council was decided by group leaders cutting cards. The SNP’s jack of clubs trumped the Conservative group’s seven of diamonds so they retain control.
It would be brilliantly dramatic instead to have them face televised trials, like I’m A Celebrity, with the Moray public choosing the winner. I’d love to see councillors downing witchetty grubs and living in rustic camps for a week to demonstrate their commitment.
Duffus Castle would be an ideal base for the trials and, like Gwrych Castle, could become a tourism magnet.
Local people could be assured that their new leaders were personable, practical and fit for purpose, not just lucky. The lesson is: play poker with politics and don’t then complain if you’re dealt a duff hand.
Next comes another favourite: “Deck the halls with boughs of holly, tralalalala, la la la la; it’s time protesters paid their money, tralalalala, la la la la”.
Great to learn that protesters from Extinction Rebellion, who cost the RNLI thousands of pounds protecting their safety during an oil-rig protest in Dundee, must now each pay the lifeboat charity £250 in compensation. The amazing RNLI, funded by voluntary contributions, is apolitical and launches to help anyone in danger but shouldn’t have its resources depleted by activists who’ve caused mayhem across the UK with high-profile protests.
The lesson is: with rights to protest come responsibilities and indiscriminate actions have serious consequences for others. Ironically, some of them might actually agree with you.
Now another beloved belter: “In the bleak mid-winter, Omicron made moan; Earth stood hard as iron, Nicola like a stone”.
I’m no fan of politicians but sympathise with those tasked with navigating Scotland through the ongoing pandemic. The first minister is standing firm but seems damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.
Many, especially in the hospitality industry, are livid over new restrictions designed to protect us and the NHS, but few suggest alternatives to the actions being taken. At Fyne Place, our jabs and boosters are up to date, we take regular lateral flow tests, carry sanitiser with us, wear masks when out and about, have our vaccination status on a phone app and generally behave sensibly.
Like dozens of Tory MPs, you can stick your heads in the sand and your bums in the air to disagree if you want, but I have rights, too, including the right not to be infected by you if you’re too opinionated, lazy, careless or daft not to comply. Get boosted, follow
the guidelines and we’ll all get through this much more quickly than by asserting our determination to disagree.
The lesson is: pain now should bring peace later.
Next, let’s sing: “Away in Westminster, no room for a ned, the arrogant Boris laid
down his thick head; the suits in his party looked down where he lay, and all prayed to heaven he’d be gone any day.”
Despite government advice, I’ve had a Christmas party. I’ve no intention of resigning, though, because unlike Downing Street, I’m self-employed, don’t have any staff, no fawning acquaintances and even Mrs F was away visiting relatives. What a thrash.
My party – sorry, gathering – was socially distanced and complied with all protocols
because I was the only one there. That’s the truth, something the PM seems to evade at every opportunity.
At a time when we need rapier-like leadership, we’ve instead got a leaky barrage balloon. In the words of singer Nat King Cole: “There may be trouble ahead” if Tory grandees become increasingly jittery.
For Boris, the lesson is: serially tell lies and you’ll eventually be found out.
OK, enough, let’s end with a cheery chorus for everyone, except anti-vaxxers, despite current uncertainties: “We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year”.
Stay safe.