The Press and Journal (Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire)
Mystery as mum refuses to explain dislike of boyfriend
WHY DOESN’T MY MOTHER LIKE MY PARTNER?
I met and moved in with a great man about seven months ago. I love him to bits and we have a great relationship that seems to work, so much so that we are planning to get engaged soon.
However, for some reason my mother has taken against him. She’s only met him a few times but each time she is rude and refuses to talk to him.
I asked her shortly after they met for the first time what the problem is. She replied it’s his attitude and the fact he clearly doesn’t respect me.
When I tried to explain nothing could be further from the truth, she cut me short and walked away. I still go to see her regularly and have tried a few times since then to get her to talk about what is bothering her, but she just won’t listen.
She changes the subject or repeats that he doesn’t respect me. I don’t know where she’s got this from because, the fact is, he is kind, generous and respectful, so
I find her attitude bizarre.
If I was a teenager or still living at home, I could perhaps accept she is just being protective. However, I am 32 and haven’t lived at home for over 10 years.
My boyfriend says to just let it go, as she will come around in the end when she sees us staying together. I’m not sure I can, as it hurts to see her treat him like this. What is her problem?
S. B.
FIONA SAYS: THIS DOES SOUND ODD
Your mother’s behaviour is odd, as is the fact she won’t tell you what’s bothering her.
It is possible she is just being protective, but I think it’s unlikely. If this is the only thing bothering here, why can’t she tell you? After all, she is your mother, and it would be natural for her to be somewhat protective as you start a new relationship.
I think it more likely she has convinced herself your boyfriend is not good for you, but how she’s arrived at this conclusion, I don’t know. It could simply be she just doesn’t like him for some unknown reason.
A gut reaction with nothing rational about it, which could explain why she’s unable to tell you exactly what’s bothering her. It’s also possible that she has heard something about him that is completely untrue, something so bad she can’t bring herself to talk about it. Whatever her reasons, if she continues to duck the issue with you, all you can do is trust your own judgment and hope your mother eventually comes around. To this I would add it might be a good idea to speak quietly with a few trusted friends or other family members to see what they think.