Concern our wonderful friendship will be spoilt

SHOULD I ACCEPT A FREE HOLIDAY?

My husband died four years ago and I have been lucky to have a really good friend to help me through it.

We spend a lot of time together, including taking holidays, as her husband never wants to go. These breaks have become very important to me, and although she is considerably better off than me, we have always shared the cost equally.

Unexpectedly, she got divorced last year – it was messy and not very amicable. She did get a very generous settlement, though. The whole process upset her a lot, so I have done what I can to support her.

Throughout this time, she has wanted to do a lot more travelling with me, I suppose to cheer herself up.

I have gone along with the first couple of trips, but they have been hugely expensive.

My friend now wants to spend a month on an all-inclusive, guided tour of India but I simply can’t afford it.

I dodged the issue for a few weeks until my friend cornered me and asked if something was wrong.

I confessed that although I’d love the trip, I just haven’t got the money for it. At which point she offered to pay!

I said right away that would not be right and I would feel awkward about it, but she said that’s silly as she can easily afford it.

She also said if I don’t go, we’ll miss out on a great trip because she won’t go without me.

Part of me now feels guilty that I am preventing her from going but, at the same time, I know I will hate feeling like I owe something if I let her pay. ■ H. R.

FIONA SAYS: COULD YOU REPAY HER GENEROSITY IN OTHER WAYS?

It’s understandable your friend should want to pamper herself following her unexpected and messy divorce.

It’s also possible that once she has got this out of her system, things will return to normal. One option is to tell her you will accept her generous offer but only if she agrees this is a one-off and you can repay her kindness in other ways.

This could take many forms, from treating her to a spa day or perhaps a trip to the theatre.

It also need not involve spending money; you could cook some favourite meals for her, or offer to do a chore or task that she has been putting off.

If you really can’t accept her offer though, you’ll need to explain this to her carefully.

There is a possibility that she may react badly to the news, especially if she’s still feeling hurt following the divorce, so be gentle. Make it clear this is all about your need to pay your own way and not about your friendship, which is important to you.

Great friendships are a huge support for most of us.