Dandy Dons getting done by diddy Darvel is humidifying

This was no grab and smash, they beat Aberdeen square and fair

CAVA KENNY CORDINER, THE FOOTBALL PUNDIT WHO ALWAYS GIVES AN IMMEDIATE RESPONSE

Old Kenny has been around the block more than a few times, so you would forgive me for thinking that I had seen it all. But, on Monday night, I seen something I never thunk I’d ever see in all my born days.

Every year, when the draw for the Scottish Cup gets made, the press talk about the diddy teams being a potential bandana skin for the big sides. But you never think it’ll happen to your club.

However, Darvel, an Ayrshire outfit from the sixth tier of Scottish football, played the Dons at home on Monday night and seen the window of opportunity flung wide open – like when you take the doubleglazing off its normal hinges to get a new dinning table into the house what Melody has bought online without checking the dimensions first and yet, somehow, it’s your fault it won’t go through the door.

The Darvel Boys isn’t not even pros, and most of them couldn’t not celebrate their midweek win with a few shandies as they had to be up for their work in the morning. But, with that one result, they went from Jacks of all trades to Jacks the GiantKillers. I’ve never been so embarrassed to be a Dandy. It was humidifying.

Aberdeen was mince; all over the park. They couldn’t string two passes together, and Darvel deserved the victory.

This was no grab and smash. They beat us square and fair.

Like most of the Red Army, I expected to read the headlights in the news next morning saying that the club had parted company with current boss, Jim Badloss. But chairman Dave Cormack hasn’t not pulled the trigger yet, and the gaffer will be in the dugout for the Hibs game today.

I’ve decided that Old Kenny is undecided about that decision. I can’t decide if Cormack is mental or if I’m enduring a waking nightmare.

Here’s hoping that Badloss gets the immediate response Cormack has asked for. And that it isn’t getting spanked 6-0 off the Hibees.

The players are, rightly, getting a lot of stick, but I know how they feels. After a result like that, the tails go down and you come off with your head between your legs.

I remember when I was with Locos, we took on Monymusk in the Garioch invitational, and they beat us with a lastminute penalty, conceded by me when I got sent off for slicing down their winger.

Some folk still suggest that I was to blame for that result, but that’s harsh – I am just one man, and there were 11 Locos players on the pitch. Until I got sent off, of course. Then there was just the 10.

J FERGUS LAMONT, ARTS CORRESPONDENT

Those who decry our performance venues as failing should eat their hats, for I myself was privileged this week to be among a record-breaking local crowd of 14,951 people at what was the largest indoor arena audience in Scotland’s history. Though you may not be aware of it, for it has had little or no publicity, we were all of us tightly packed into the state-ofthe-art cattle shed that is the Aberdeen P&J Live, to witness a performance by Mr Lewis Capaldi.

I was impressed on arrival that the venue had made the courageous decision to reject the bourgeois convention of tiered seating, or indeed any seating, for the performance, thus enabling us to “all stand together”, as did the groundlings in attendance at the Globe in Shakespeare’s day; and in a powerful metaphor for support of our striking key workers.

With the stage itself being a considerable distance away, I was relieved to see that it was flanked by two video screens, thus giving a significant portion of the audience an equivalent experience to watching TV in a room with no sofa; a thought-provoking evocation of both social isolation, and the discomfort occasioned by a delay in one’s DFS delivery.

Above all, however, I was heartened to see that so many others had been excited by the prospect of a live appearance by Mr Capaldi, one of our most beloved Scottish entertainers. When he walked on to the stage and began to sing a haunting air, I was delighted to witness such a distinguished actor taking such risks.

However, after the fifth mid-tempo ballad, I did find myself wondering when he would put the guitar aside. But, he continued to sing, bravely desisting from doing any acting whatsoever.

I was particularly impressed by his chameleonic abilities, for on the video screens he appeared several decades younger than when he was Dr Who. I stood in awe at his total commitment to the performance, after two hours of which my pelvis went numb.

The players are, rightly, getting a lot of stick

YOU’RE NAE WISE MIN: The thoughts of Aberdeen’s Bojan Miovski when the ref chalked off his equaliser at Darvel.