The Press and Journal (Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire)
He thinks redundancy at 47 is end of working life
HOW CAN I CONVINCE HUSBAND TO APPLY FOR NEW JOBS?
I am so angry at my husband’s employers. He’s been working for them for 16 years and they have decided to make him redundant – just before Christmas. He had no warning of this, nor even an apology, and he’s due to leave at the end of December. It’s going to be a miserable, lean Christmas.
Not surprisingly, he’s taken it very badly and although we don’t want to, we’ve started snapping at each other.
I have a part-time job but it’s not well paid, and I just don’t see how we can survive on my income from this alone.
He’s got a redundancy payment and while that will last for a short while, he’s 47 now. He thinks that at his age he won’t find another job, so he can’t see why he should bother to look. I’ve tried to point out that people his age are 20 years from retirement, so he’s talking nonsense. He doesn’t want to believe me though, and he won’t even send off for job details.
How can I shake him out of this and get him back out to work?
FIONA SAYS: HELP HIM BEGIN TO GET HIS CONFIDENCE BACK
I agree with you that this is pretty lousy timing, and it hasn’t been made any easier by some tactless management at the company. It could be, though, that they are facing tough times – perhaps under normal circumstances they would have acted more considerately, and now they’ve run out of time – and money.
Please encourage your husband to consider this. If he thinks it’s his fault that they have made him redundant, he will feel even worse, and it almost certainly isn’t his fault.
Taking your anxiety out on one another is going to make you both unhappy, and this is a time when you need to face things together.
Your husband’s confidence has been knocked, so he may take a while before he’s prepared to risk further rejections.
He needs to find ways to rebuild that confidence, so although it might not be the Christmas you hoped for, or planned, try to make it a peaceful time for him to get over things. I know you’re concerned about money, but if you pressure him too soon you risk damaging his confidence and your relationship still further. You don’t mention what field of work your husband is in but encourage him to look beyond the constraints of his past experience and use it as a stepping stone into something different. Once you’ve both got over the initial shock, try to build his confidence by reinforcing this message.