Airport quiz question sent me travelling back in time

Departure: When security was more chillaxed and a visit to the cockpit was all part of the holiday, today’s jet setters don’t know what they’re missing

There is something marvellous about catching a bus from outside Farmfoods to Paris.

This is where our holidays started when Stagecoach ran the 747 from Stonehaven to Aberdeen International Airport.

The number made me smile. The same as the first wide-body jumbo jet, built by Boeing and nicknamed Queen of The Skies after it put long-haul trips within reach of everyone.

Now both the 747 jet and bus are history, with Boeing making its last in 2022 and Stagecoach shifting its focus to the 727, which loses points for name alone.

If they called it the 787 after the Boeing Dreamliner I might overlook the inconvenience of having to take a train, to get a bus, to catch a plane.

AIRPORT SHOULD SPREAD ITS WINGS

Now you can’t take the 747 to Aberdeen International Airport and you can’t fly direct to Paris, which is a hassle for families wanting to go to Disneyland.

Air France’s route from ABZ to CDG was halted during the pandemic and there are no plans to reinstate it. Quel dommage.

Visiting Le Mouse is now a monumental faff that can mean travelling to Edinburgh where hotel prices are so high it’s like paying for a holiday on top of a holiday. Paris isn’t the only destination that should be on Aberdeen’s departures board.

The P&J recently compiled a list of destinations it should fly to.

These include Houston, given the Texan city’s links with Europe’s oil capital.

Orlando was another, along with holiday hotspots Paphos and Madeira.

In 2022 Aer Lingus launched a route from Aberdeen to the US via Dublin Airport.

It’s not as much fun as going via Farmfoods and the Maltesers are more expensive, but you can clear US Customs in Ireland so that’s some consolation.

CONTESTANT BAGS A BUNDLE AFTER AIRPORT QUESTION

A contestant on Ant and

Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway took home a haul of prizes at the weekend after correctly answering a question about Aberdeen’s airport.

The question Donna answered was: “New research revealed which airport was named the worst for delays – Aberdeen or Bristol?”

The Civil Aviation Authority revealed Aberdeen had an average delay of 20.70 minutes, the worst in the country.

There must have been some red faces at Dyce this week, which reminded me of the times I’ve embarrassed myself there.

These include having to repack my overweight case at check-in and putting my underwear and heated rollers on full display in the process.

AIRPORTS ARE OH SO DIFFERENT NOW

Then there was the time I got on the wrong flight. They thought it couldn’t be done but somehow I managed it.

Instead of being on the Newcastle flight I was headed for Sumburgh with a plane load of oilmen.

I only realised I was on the first leg of a trip to an offshore platform when I saw they all had the same sort of canvas holdalls.

Thank goodness I have an eye for accessories.

I was escorted off the plane and across the runway but I did get a round of applause from some amused rig workers and who else can say the same?

VISITING THE COCKPIT WAS ALL PART OF THE HOLIDAY

That was when airport security was more chillaxed.

No trip to Majorca was complete without a turn in the pilot’s seat and a photo of yourself wearing the hat.

My dad once spent most of a flight back from the Canary Islands in the cockpit.

The only time we felt concerned was when the pilot came out to use the loo.

Those were the days.

You didn’t have to throw your tweezers away if you forgot to pack them and the security dog would let you shake its paw.

Now you’re not allowed to look at an Alsatian the wrong way let alone rub its belly.

Once, my airline went out of business mid-flight.

At Schiphol our suitcases were chucked on to the tarmac and we spent a day trying to cadge a lift with another carrier.

It was a bonding experience and friendships made lasted years.

Sadly ‘Airport Alison’ was lost from my contacts when I changed phone companies.

I prefer to use airports that are named after people, such as JFK, John Lennon and George Best.

Aberdeen might consider this. Denis Law Airport certainly has a ring to it.

Once, my airline went out of business mid-flight

CONTROLS: It’s hard to believe that passengers used to be able to see into the cockpit, sit in the pilot’s seat and even try on their hat during flights.