Let’s make some noise for this new horn composition

‘Apocalyptic’ early morning sounds from harbour were some piece of work

J FERGUS LAMONT – AUTHOR OF THE GANNET CITY – HOW KEBAB SHOPS WILL SAVE UNION STREET

This corner of the country is not usually renowned for its musical innovation, but this week saw a stunning example that made all who heard it sit up and take notice.

You may not have heard it, if you’re a sounder sleeper than myself, or do not reside in Torry, Kincorth, Ferryhill, Bridge of Don or Cove, but I speak of course of the powerful premiere of the experimental audio piece “Ship’s Horn”, which premiered at 3am on Tuesday.

Emanating from the city’s harbour area, this was a powerful minimalist avant-guard work akin to the experimental drones of La Monte Young and John Cage; or the industrial soundscapes of German noise terrorists Einsturzende Neubauten. The piece lasted for 20 minutes, consisting of a loop of seven short notes followed by one longer note – in B flat.

Drifting out into the foggy night, the mournful, dirge-like refrain spoke of a powerful melancholia, moving all who heard it to take to social media and share their immediate and sleep-deprived thoughts on the piece’s meaning.

One local woman remarked – clearly a student of eschatology – that it was “an end of the world alarm”.

Others pondered if this haunting work was the signal that the LEZ area was now live. Others thought it a warning of imminent catastrophe, or an indication that Aberdeen Football Club had signed a new manager. Not that the two would be mutually exclusive.

In the end, this powerful work was all the more stunning for arriving unannounced and unexplained.

The composer of the piece remains unknown, a sort of phonic Banksy, but the cognoscenti believe it to have been the work of a group known only as Port of Aberdeen, and that it is part of a triptych of installations commencing with a piece called “Electrical fault” and concluding with one entitled “How the **** do you switch it off ?”

I was stunned and moved and rate it one of the most powerful musical experiences I have ever encountered, and I include in that Free At The Dee 2002 featuring Gareth Gates.

Though I was half asleep when it began, by the conclusion of the 20-minute Ship’s Horn tour-de-force, I was sufficiently energised to hurl open my bedroom window and applaud wildly and enthusiastically whilst shouting ‘Bravo! Encore!” into the misty night. Then, when my ovation was spent, and the sudden absence of ear-shattering cacophony spoke silent volumes – peace and quiet in its purest form – I slept.

SHELLEY SHINGLES, SHOWBIZ CORRESPONDENT AND MISS FETTERESSO 1983

Oh. Em. Actual. Gee! The feminist cause got a totes massive boost this week when Bafta announced their most iconic video game characters. I’m not really much of a gamer myself, I’ve not really played anything since Jet Set Willy on my wee brother’s ZX Spectrum, but I was expecting the poll to be a glorified boy’s club. I was convinced the top 3 would be Sonic, PacMan and the totes adorbs Mario with his gorge moustache and natty red dungeons.

But no, it turns out that sisters are doing it for their pixellated selves, and our very own Lara Croft, from a game cried Tomb Raider, scored a victory for women across the world by landing top spot. You go girl!

Some po-faced yawn-merchants are saying that it’s no wonder she came out on top, seeing as most gamers are sweatypalmed teenagers glued to a screen in their bedroom all day. And some killjoys are claiming that glorifying Lara’s tiny waist and gravity-defying bosom is perpetuating an unattainable body image to vulnerable young girls.

My response to these people is simple: Get a life! Honestly, I think it’s just jealousy. And who wouldn’t be well-jell of a woman who is a world-famous archaeologist, lives in a stately home full of trampolines, and looks like Angelina Jolie?

Of course, me and Angelina go way back. I first met her at the London Premiere of World War Z back in 2013. She was on the red carpet in Yves St Laurent and I was doing some promotional work as one of the zombies, with a full face of prosthetics and a crazy wig.

I’ll never forget what she said to me as we passed each other at the Pick ‘n’ Mix: ‘Oh my gawd – for a second there I thought you were Boris Johnson!”

Wise words, from a great lady.

This powerful work was... unannounced and unexplained

CACOPHONY: Many Aberdeen residents were given a rude awakening when a ship’s horn went off at the harbour – starting at 3am.