The Press and Journal (Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire)
NEW JOLENE? KIDS MUST BE DREADING NEXT CAR KARAOKE
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, JOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE! I’m beggin’ of you please don’t take my man. Well, unless he’s snoring. Or letting soaking wet, filthy dogs run across the clean floor.
Dolly would understand that, under certain circumstances, a woman should go it alone and be pleased about it.
Your beauty is beyond compare, with flaming locks of auburn hair, with ivory skin and eyes of emerald greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.
My kids are fed up with me belting out this line over and over because I just cannot get it right when performing a concert for one in the car.
I believe it’s because my brother got the auburn locks most women would pay hundreds for. I was left with the ivory skin, more a mottled bottle blue, and the emerald green eyes, those I rather like.
And now, along comes Beyonce. Riding roughshod over the top of Dolly’s classic with a whole new set of lyrics.
What chance have I got of being word perfect with two versions to execute correctly? Absolutely none.
Queen B decided to not only cover the classic song but also alter it to make it her own. It’s like a warning shot – Jolene should take heed of what’s coming to her, if she’s clever.
While a simpering Dolly genteelly begs Jolene not to take her man, Beyonce doesn’t ask – she tells. No pleading here, just clearly stated threats of violent retaliation if Jolene dares to interfere.
It’s taken since Parton’s original release in the ’70s until 2024 for someone to stand up to the flame-haired Jolene and lay down a much firmer stance.
I still don’t get why any woman, certainly ones who look like Dolly or Beyonce would want a man who dabbles somewhere else? Where are the feminist lyrics to that effect? Who is making the questionable gentleman take responsibility for his unscrupulous actions – does it no longer take two to tango?
I might even get in touch with these two demigod female recording artists and suggest a more Scottish fishwife approach?
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeeeeeeeeene, I’m beggin’ of you please take ma cheatin’ lad? Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joooooleeeeeeeeeeeene, don’t bring him back just because you can…
I could go on, but I don’t believe my talents lie in song lyrics and it’s probably very far from what I’m requested to produce for this column.
My, admittedly already huge, admiration for Ms Parton increased even further when I read her reply to one journalist. Upon being asked her opinion on the new version of her iconic song, she simply stated: “Beyonce is giving that girl trouble and she deserves it.” How typically brilliant of the blonde country icon.
Beyonce, also a legend in her own right, uses much less passive language in her version, citing it will take more than beauty and seductive stares to come between her and her happy family man. Apparently, they’ve been in love for 20 years.
Very similar to me and the mister. It will be our 20th anniversary at the end of the year and I’m hoping he might read this and write that down somewhere – you never know.
Himself works in an industry notorious for extramarital affairs, dramatic break-ups and revolving door-style relationship-speed turnarounds. You have to be careful when checking in with folks you haven’t seen in a while to ensure you don’t stick a foot in it.
Are they still with the spouse you knew of or has that partnership dissolved and is nothing but a bitter, distant memory?
Himself is well-known for his lack of memory and attention to detail when it comes to matters of the heart involving others.
Thankfully he appears satisfied with, or at least resigned to, his lot in life. I’d go so far as to say he’s even shown mild annoyance that nobody else has had a sniff of him during his tenure – I simply reply it’s because he reeks of being married and he laughs.
My family has informed me all along, if himself and I ever part ways, they will keep him and wish me well on my way.
The kids are at an age now that they probably wouldn’t notice who they lived with as long as there was a fully-stocked fridge to raid during their fleeting visits.