Fashion

Accessories Edit, plus Mum’s the Word column

Middle and Eldest are playing a gig in town and Youngest and I go along to watch. They’re brilliant. I would say that, I grew them, but other people like them too, so it’s not just me. Anyway, it’s very loud and hot so I’m at the bar buying a soda water and the bartender hands over my change.

“I’m sorry,” I say, “but that was a tenner I gave you.” “No it wasn’t,” he says. “Yes it was.” “No, it wasn’t.” “Yes... IT WAS,” I insist (I didn’t add ‘young man!’ but I might as well have) and I fix him with a steely glare.

He sighs, but doesn’t comment, and gives me the extra change.

Hmph. I walk away thinking I KNOW I had a tenner because I took it out earlier when I bought that… oh.

Now, do I want him to think I was scamming and got away with it or should I ’fess up and embarrass myself a second time? I go back. “I’m very sorry, you were right,” I say and return the money. “I know,” he says. “I was wrong.” “I know,” he says. I smile. He doesn’t. So I do the mad old bat walk of shame and avoid the bar for the rest of the evening, parched.

Next day we’re reliving the gig in the kitchen and I’m telling the boys about my bar embarrassment, trying to sound them out on whether I’m scary to young ’uns.

“Why didn’t he just stick to his guns and tell me to get lost?” I say. “Is it because when you’re ‘a certain age’ younger people think you’re unpredictable, likely to kick off, take a stand, bang on about stuff, demand to see a manager, not let it lie (I see Eldest sloping off at the edge of my vision)?

“So people just humour you to keep the peace?” I continue. “And don’t bother explaining because there’s no point. What a cheek! What’s that about? I hate being managed! I will NOT be humoured,” I say.

Middle turns around from the sink – and gives me a pleasant smile. n