Aidan Smith: Should Scots get behind England for World Cup final?

What’s a Scot to do, asks Aidan Smith as he considers the political effect of victory in Japan for the team in white

England have won through to the final of the Rugby World Cup while, in the immortal words of publicpark ranter Colin Reid, we’ve been “pumped oot”. Reid’s anguished post from a verdant corner of Edinburgh has gone viral. Normally, he says, there’s lots of athletic activity in the open space, only on this occasion, offering up a camera-phone panorama, the sport being played is “effing quidditch”. He invites us to be amazed and appalled at the sight of grown men and women frolicking on imaginary broomsticks and concludes with a desperate groan: “It’s s **** being Scottish.”

If there was a World Cup for laughing darkly at ourselves, then we might stand a chance of winning. But there isn’t, and nor is there one for effing quidditch so, yet again, we must decide whether we should lend our support to the dear neighbours in the south.

What can we offer? Lorryloads of, er, fertiliser to ensure the red rose is in full bloom in Tokyo come Saturday? A know-our-place willingness to get down in the dirt and grease the axles of those chariots in preparation for all the low swinging required to urge the men in white shirts to glory and what would be the second planet-conquering triumph by an England team this year? The first World Cup was in cricket which didn’t bother us overmuch. But rugby is different. We play this game, currently hold the trophy for the annual match against the Auld Enemy, and that pumping oot was sair tae bear.

Something else is different this time – it could be the last occasion where we ask this question of ourselves as fully paid-up fellow members of the same United Kingdom. By the next World Cup in whatever sport, assuming England reach the final and we’re once again home before the postcards, our status may be very different.

So I suppose we should factor Brexit into Saturday’s big match against South Africa. What would a victory do for the national – English – mood? I think we can safely say that the good folks will be thrilled. As head coach Eddie Jones remarked after the semifinal victory over the mighty All Blacks: “It’s great we’ve given the country something to cheer about and with Brexit they probably need it.” But will the country – England – be thrilled to the point of spontaneously combusting with pride, with imperial fantasy, with delusion about its place in the world? I think we should be told before we consider casting our votes for Owen Farrell, the hail-fellow-well-biffed captain, and the rest.

England’s Brexity Brigadoon was first glimpsed, tantalisingly, with the outcome of the 2016 referendum. Since then, there’s been three years of frustration and prevarication for the Leavers, with middle-class liberal elite conspirators squirrelling the ball into the ruck and refusing to release it. Possibly Brexiteers are worried the delay might last the full Brigadoon 100 years.

But a great sporting hurrah – especially accompanied by VE Dayquantity flag-waving (the Cross of St George this time) and Women in Love-quality manly grappling between joy-unconfined floppyhaired rugger-buggers – hopefully retaining their clothes unlike Oliver Reed and Alan Bates – could provide fresh and demented impetus to the cause. One thing, the politicians will be following the rugby very closely, hoping to exploit and carpetbag and pretend they’ve always been big fans. Another thing: they’ll fail