A Polynesian-inspired massage at Omh Therapies, Edinburgh

A Polynesian-inspired massage at Omh Therapies offers the perfect festive de-stress

The treatment

A Mari-uri treatment with Joanna Bednarek at Omh Therapies, Edinburgh, 60 minutes for £65.

Why go?

You’ve been struck down with festive fatigue. You’re done with the jostling on Princes Street, finished with queuing for overpriced gluhwein and want to restore your positive spirits with a bit of time out in the centre of town. Alternatively, get someone else a gift voucher, available on their website, for this treatment.

Our spy says

“Before we start, think of something negative that you want to leave behind,” says Joanna, and I envisage the piles of stuff I have at home, waiting to be parcelled up.

Meh, this is not a gift wrapping service. Instead, I shall park my stress levels in this place. Or at least, I will give it my best shot.

In order that this treatment be as relaxing as possible, Joanna has the heating cranked up and an electric blanket on the bed. I’m usually the sort who prefers to be cooler, but this feels so nice after being Out There.

The name of this Polynesian treatment means “descendents of the white light”, some techniques are inspired by Hawaiian dance (while you lei down, ho ho), and it’s designed to be deeply healing, with sweeping moves choreographed to music.

Anyway, it’s utterly heavenly and I am transported.

Joanna sweeps across my back, using circular wave-like movements – a technique called Lomi-lomi.

Her forearms press all the way from shoulder to hip, like I’m a toothpaste tube being squeezed. At points, my lower back is gently shoogled, as are my arms, which are draped off the table.

Nothing ever veers into painful territory, but for someone who likes a firm pressure, it’s still satisfying.

My legs are bent and shaken, so that every muscle relaxes, then they’re pressed and rubbed, from foot to glute.

Joanna moves the towel, so it’s almost like a loin cloth, and one arm massages a shoulder, while the other rubs a leg. She’s like an octopus.

I turn over, and, once a cushion has been slid under my knees, my quads and shins are rubbed.

Then she’s onto my shoulders, with my head being lifted off the table and head gently turned and neck lengthened.

What stress?

The results

That’s one of the best massages I’ve had. Every ounce of bah humbug has been kneaded out of me, and my muscles feel all soft, like marshmallows on top of a festive latte. ■

Omh Therapies (1a Randolph Crescent, Edinburgh, 0131-220 1301, www.omhtherapies.com)