It’s hard to avoid Youngest and Middle’s needling
Sometimes people just want to start an argument or discussion for fun, ‘cos they’re bored, fancy a bit of an emotional workout. Youngest and Middle specialise in this. Eldest can chat away happily without being deliberately provocative, but not these two, and they know which buttons to press. So, tattoos and the cat, a double whammy of potential for a verbal skirmish with me.
“I was thinking of getting Biggie tattooed,” announces Middle.
“You will not! Cat tattoos. That’s not a thing – is it?” I cover the Notorious B.I.G.’S ears. “No, I meant get a tattoo of him on me.” “Oh. If you think…” I say, having lost the tattoo debate and agreed it’s up to the body owner once it’s legal.
“Nah, I’m going to get a puffin wearing a beanie,” he says.
“Good,” I say.
Youngest says: “I’m getting ‘Mum’ and a heart.”
“Good,” I say.
“You shouldn’t get one,” says Middle to her. “You might regret it.”
‘What,” she says, “keep up, I’ve already got one on my…”
“Belly,” I supply.
This is news to Middle and Eldest, who had both told her she was too young, would change her mind, to wait till she was older, but did she listen? Ha! Welcome to my world.
“Yes, designed it myself. Simple, small, line drawing. AND I went the WHOLE summer holiday with HER in a cabin on a boat and she never noticed. So she’s obviously not bothered.”
“I DID notice you hiding your belly, but assumed it was because you had issues, not ‘cos you were hiding a tattoo.”
“Issues! I don’t have issues. Especially BELLY issues,” she says. “YOU might have, but I don’t.
“‘Course not. I’m projecting.”
“Just being a mum,” says Middle. “You like my tattoos now you’re used to them. So, I’m thinking of collecting animals,” he says, meaning tattoos.
“Good,” I say. “You want to collect animals? I found all your ‘amerals’ in a drawer this week, the plastic ones you and Eldest collected, hunners, want to see them?” “Aw what? Yeah!” he says. “Mint.” That’ll keep them busy for a bit, give me a break from being needled. ■