Tory linesman,
Douglas Ross MP is in the good books with Kevan Christie after putting ‘Craven Carlaw’ to shame over Dominic Cummings
Ihave a friend and colleague at work who regularly asks me why I hate Scotland? We sat together for a couple of years like the odd couple with this lover of all things Gaelic and folk being forced to listen as I declared that such and such a Scottish person of note was going on ‘the list’. And not in a good way. Elaine C Smith, Alan Cumming, Annie Lennox, Pat Kane, (Sir) Chris Hoy, Lulu and Mark Beaumont?... to name but a few. Get them on ‘the list’.
Emerging talent you say – that Lewis Capaldi bloke? For it is written and on the list he must go.
Now I know this says everything you need to know about my entirely irrational state of mind and I take no pride in having done down some of Scotland’s finest on a made-up list.
“Hit the deck and give me 20, Christie.”
A long-time sufferer of the Scottish cringe, I despair when someone famous like Barack Obama lands on these shores and the best our journos can do is ask him if he’s tried the haggis, drank Irn-bru or played a round of golf.
“The haggis – have you tried the haggis, Mr Obama?... HAGGIS, Barack! Barack! – whit aboot the haggis? Try the haggis – just try it... right.”
However, I was proud to call myself half-scottish this week dear readers and the source of this new found national pride was a Tory football lino (linesman in old money or should that be assistant referee?) and former dairyman, Douglas Ross MP.
Now I apologise in advance for the fitba’ puns but it looked to me that rather than “take one for the team” in terms of defending Dominic Cummings – now there’s a name you’ll always tire of hearing – and his “Classic Dom” behaviour, the Good Lino told them to “shove their team up their a***”. “Go on my son – put it in the mixer!”
I got a bit dewy-eyed as Ross put out his statement stating that his