It’s time to be honest with each other, and drop the ‘game face’

It is ok not to be cheery and upbeat all the time especially amid the Covid crisis, writes Jim Duffy

For years, I’ve put on my “game face” for family, friends, neighbours and colleagues.

That game face tells all that I am well. It signals to them that I am happy, contented, in a good place and generally upbeat and perky. Of course, It’s a complete lie.

It’s a fraudulent scheme that I generate daily to deceive. But, not in a malicious fashion you understand. Not to harm anyone. No, my game face is all about making them feel a bit better, while I struggle with what is going on inside.

And to be honest, I think we all do it. Maybe in these times of great change, this is one behaviour we should seriously consider ending.

So why do we persist with our game face for folks? What drives us to be “dishonest” with how we feel, what is going on in our minds and what is truly troubling us?

First up, is norms.

The norm I am referring to in this case is that everyone wants to be seen as cheery, chipper, positive and upbeat.

For years, we have been influenced by teachers, television, movies and workplaces that happy people are what the world wants. Big smiles and big personalities make the world a better place right?

At school I look back at the most popular kids in the class. They were smilers, generally happy and attracted people to them.

Right back then I knew I was different. Teachers tolerated me, but never liked me and for that matter much of the class as we were not cognitively capable yet of putting on a game face.

Mind you, the more I think about 90 per cent of my teachers in primary school and secondary school – they too were miserable.

Next up is acceptance.

By looking happier and striding through life, others accept us that bit better.

A game face lends itself to “better” relationships in the workplace or at college or elsewhere. After all, who wants to go sit with old misery guts who can’t raise a smile in the morning? Most of us wants to fit in.

We want to be part of the crowd. Not necessarily the in-crowd, but the general broad church where we operate, function or work.

So while we may not feel like it at all, a game face guarantees us a ticket to being accepted as okay, normal, sound or alright.

Just think of the pressure we put ourselves through to keep up this charade when all we want to do stare and not smile for the sake of it.

Family is a big one. Especially parents and grandparents.

Our loved ones are important to us. We need them to feel loved, to feel special, to feel important. Their well-being is paramount to us.

So in so many cases, despite not feeling like it one bit, we put on a game face.

No-one wants a grumpy dad every morning as he drinks his coffee, checks his phone and finds his car keys before going to work.

No-one really wants to see mum looking glum, a bit down, anxious or stressed before we go to school. So, we get up, look in the mirror and put on our game face. But I just wonder in all of this, who is kidding who? And what damage it does to us.

We may not want to admit it, but right now in this current epoch in history, we are in a mental health ticking time bomb.

Oh I know, all you happy people will not fully understand this. You will not “get” why so many of us are on selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors also know as anti-depres