Experts in compassion
Practical help and emotional support are invaluable for families coping with dementia, writes Sandra Dick
Some days, Beryl Mcculloch puts on a favourite tune, takes her husband Jim’s hand and they dance around the room. As they move to the music, the troubles of the past few years gradually fade. For a fleeting moment, there’s a reminder of how lovely things were before dementia cast its bleak shadow over their lives.
“We both love dancing,” says Beryl. “We put music on and dance around the room. It gives him a lot of pleasure, and me too.”
Jim was diagnosed with dementia nine years ago. Since then, Beryl has seen significant and distressing changes in her husband: his memories of favourite family holidays are gone; he has hallucinations which confuse him, and there have been times when he has gone missing and been unable to remember his way back home.
The support of the couple’s Dementia UK specialist Admiral Nurse, Tracey Chapman, has been invaluable, particularly during the current pandemic which has compounded the difficulties brought by dementia.
Beryl says: “It’s a 24/ 7 day when I’m caring for Jim, but sometimes it feels like 48/ 7.
“This lockdown has been very upsetting for both of us. Jim doesn’t understand no matter how many times I try and explain it.”
Dementia UK’S Admiral Nurses work alongside families giving them compassionate one- to- one support, expert guidance and practical solutions.
They are qualified nurses specialising in dementia, and they are continually trained and supported by Dementia UK.
Without Tracey, Beryl would have struggled to know what to do as respite services closed and new rules transformed their lives.
She is far from alone. There are more than 850,000 people living with dementia in the UK, a number set to rise to over one million by 2021. Not all cases are the same: there are more than 200 subtypes of dementia. The most common are Alzheimer’s disease, vascular dementia, dementia with Lewy bodies, frontotemporal dementia and mixed dementia.
The charity’s work relies on donations and, in particular, gifts left in Wills. Every gift, no matter the size, makes a difference to families who may find themselves looking after a loved one with dementia in the future.
Meanwhile, Beryl knows there are tough days ahead. But there are also days when the clouds part a little bit and the old Jim, by her side for 30 years, shines through.
“We’ve been on some lovely holidays,” she recalls. “Jim doesn’t remember any of these and I know we won’t be going on holiday together ever again.
“However, it’s important for us to focus on the things which we can still do.”
Talking helps. “Tracey listens, she understands and she cares,” adds Beryl.
“As Jim’s dementia is progressing, it’s so important that I have Tracey to support me so that I can continue to care for Jim.”
She knows that there may be difficult days to come. “One day, Jim turned to me and said: “Bez, you’ll always look after me won’t you?’ I had to stop and think. I said, ‘ Jim, I will look after you as long as I can.’
“I love him and always will, but there is no denying that life is really tough right now.” www. dementiauk. org/ gifts