Covid regs have nothing on the rules of scran

Before the Scottish Government’s new regulations limiting gatherings to six people from two households kicked in, I invited all three of my kidults to mine for a meal.

Five minutes in and things have already taken a legal turn – and not because I’m thinking someone needs a smack, as my mum might have said. No, we’re talking about what the rules are and are we inadvertently breaking them?

“Well, Youngest and I are one household, except when she’s at Other Parent’s,” I say...

“That’s still one household,” says Youngest, “because I’M the household, but spread across two homes.”

“Er… anyway, you’re over 12, so…” I say. “And,” she continues, “because Eldest is at Other Parent’s at the moment too, he’s in my household, so that’s still one household. Then Middle is a household, so that’s still only two...”

“Naw, it’s three,” says one of her brothers. I can’t say who as by now I’m in the kitchen, swapping refereeing for feeding.

This I can do.

So, with one who eats everything but often prefers to be mostly vegan, one gourmand who prefers to cook their own food separately, and one who eats everything but prefers things not too spicy, I’ve covered every base with bagels and baguettes with vegan, veggie and carnivore fillings – ham for the gourmand, salmon for the mostly vegan or anyone on a high protein regime, vegan cheese, cheese cheese, hummus, salad and soup – yellow lentil, carrot and ( not too spicy) fresh ginger. Oh and strawberries and a sponge cake. I might be rattled by the regulations but I’ve got the scran sussed.

“Not sure about the vegan cheese,” says the mostly vegan, eating a salmon and cream cheese bagel.

“That special ham looks amazing, but I’ve already eaten a massive brunch with stuff I got at the farmers’ market, so I’m not really hungry,” says the gourmand.

“Soup’s a bit spicy,” says Non- Spice Girl, finishing her bowl, and browsing the all you can eat buffet.

“This is nice mum. Smashing. Pity we won’t be able to do this for a while,” says one. “Ken,” mumble the others, mouths full. “Fanks mum.”

True, but it’s a sacrifice I’ll just have to make... ■