If you owe someone an apology, follow Chrissy Teigen and admit it
Saying sorry sincerely and effectively can repair the hurt you have caused, says Liz Connor
Saying sorry can be one of the hardest things to do, but if you’ve hurt someone and you regret it, it’s important to take responsibility and try to repair the damage caused.
It’s something US model Chrissy Teigen recently posted about, breaking a month-long social media silence to share a lengthy apology for sending hurtful tweets in the past.
“There is simply no excuse for my past horrible tweets,” wrote Teigen, who has 35 million Instagram followers. “I was a troll, full stop. And I am so sorry.”
“I took to Twitter to try to gain attention and show off what I at the time believed was a crude, clever, harmless quip. I thought it made me cool and relatable if I poked fun at celebrities,” she continued.
“In reality, I was insecure, immature and in a world where I thought I needed to impress strangers to be accepted,” Teigen added.
No matter the gravity of the situation, sometimes nothing diffuses a disagreement faster than saying “I’m sorry”, but messing up your apology can make things worse.
1. Be authentic
Apologising is all about acknowledging you’re wrong and expressing regret for the specific actions you took, that hurt the other person.
“Only say sorry if you really mean it,” says life coach and mentor Natalie Trice (natalietrice.co.uk). “If you aren’t sorry, or don’t think it was your fault, it’s going to be hard to make any apology feel real and authentic.”
2. Don’t shift the blame
“If you want to clear the air, stay away from, ‘I know I upset you, but…’ phrases,” stresses Trice. “Say sorry because you mean it and don’t add another layer of blame or guilt to the issue.”
3. Take responsibility
Apologising is hard because it means admitting you were wrong. Being specific in your apology, explaining how and why it happened, is an important step in reassuring the other person that the mistake won’t occur again.
In her latest blog post, Teigen said she was privately reaching out to people she’d insulted in the past.
“Taking responsibility is key to making up with someone, because it shows them you’re acknowledging the mistake you made and taking ownership,” says Trice.
4. Find the best solution
Apologising with sincerity is important, but in some cases, action might be more effective.
“If you broke something, make sure to take the time and effort to replace it,” says Trice. Offering a kind and selfless gesture, like sending a bouquet of flowers or giving up your time to help out the person, can also help to heal the rift.
5. Don’t expect forgiveness straight away.
Getting the relationship back on track might take time, and your apology could be rejected.
One of the most important parts of an apology is to stand firm in your regret over time. If someone isn’t keen to make amends straight away, don’t undo all your good healing work by withdrawing the apology in anger.