Heading nowhere

Just when you think Scotland can't become a greater laughing stock, now it's banning headers before and after football matches because footballers supposedly are three times more likely to die from brain disease than others. The study from the New England Journal of Medicine responsible for this nonsense omits the fact Scottish footballers – especially when their careers and glory days are over – are notorious bevvy merchants, a primary cause of brain disease across the entire Scottish population. Indeed, why the study singled out the area with the notoriously worst First World health record to begin with is suspicious, and as cultural changes means even Scottish footballers forgo the booze, this “header ban” has all the hallmarks of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Identical concerns were raised about Heavy Metal “headbangers” in the Eighties which in time proved utter nonsense (at least it inspired Men Without Hats' sarcastic global hit “The Safety Dance” in riposte). Increased population longevity means people aren’t dying of cancer and heart disease, leaving room for other fatalities to make their mark, especially Alzheimer's.

MARK BOYLE Johnstone, Renfrewshire