QUOTES of the week

‘The muttering mutte idiot opposite.’

David Cameron insults E Ed Balls in a bad-tempered

ex exchange in the Commons. ‘It’s the first firs time I don’t know the outcome.’ o

An Egyptian woman

voting in the presidential election. ‘You can put away thoughts of champagne, Bentleys and girls and concentrate on why you are serving a life sentence.’

Judge Mrs Justice Dobbs to ex-public schoolboy Elliot Turner, who murdered his girlfriend Emily Longley, 17.

‘Muppet bait.’

US investment expert Henry Blodget gives his view of the newly-floated

Facebook shares. ‘I believe in benevolent despotism. I can’t have argue, argue, argue.’ Actress Joanna Lumley says that she won’t go into politics because she ‘doesn’t really believe in democracy’. ‘She was escorted everywhere she went with bodyguards. I had an umbrella and a duffel coat.’

Paul Laverty, Glasgow tearaway turned screen star,

on filming with Scarlett Johansson. ‘This is like the Blitz – only without the sex, of course.’

Baroness Trumpington, 89-year-old Tory peer, after a late-night

debate in the House of Lords. ‘I hear the fizz of tonic in my gin beckoning. Alas, I have religion tomorrow. At least I’m not preaching this week.’

Canon Paul Shakerley, Vicar of Doncaster Minster, is being

investigated by the Church after controversial posts on Facebook. ‘They are a social cement and the job the Queen does is incredible.’

Former punk Vivienne Westwood now prefers the Royal Family to

anarchy in the UK. ‘Environmental stress due to drought.’

The Environment Agency’s

new phrase for ‘drought’. ‘Desperately trying to get back to matter in hand . . . no, she, er, said . . . I’ve completely lost my place. I need a glass of water.’ BBC Business Editor

Robert Peston

loses his train of thought on Radio 4 after being asked if

he’s smitten with IMF chief Christine

Lagarde.