No one loves a hunk when he’s hogging the bathroom mirror
THE news story about Imran Khan’s new wife caught my eye last week, not least because of the irony that The Times placed the report – about how cooking sausages in her job as a TV presenter has outraged religious conservatives in Pakistan – next to a story with the headline: ‘Pigs reveal emotional depths with a bit of food and Bach’ (a report proving pigs feel empathy).
I doubt the juxtaposition was even noticed, but we humans could learn a lesson or two from pigs about how to treat one another. And isn’t it telling that followers of a religion can show disgust towards a person who did not follow Islamic law by handling pork, which Reham Khan had cooked but not eaten, whereas if vegans express disgust towards meat eaters on moral, humane grounds, we are shot down in (barbecue) flames.
Who says their beliefs are less valid? On my flight to Islamabad – to visit the then PS LOTS of (belated) outrage last week about the fact many dairy cows are kept indoors all year round. I was reminded of a cross letter I was sent by the National Farmers’ Union in 2010, saying I was wrong to say dairy cows are badly treated. They claimed only two per cent are housed indoors but that these farmers have ‘reported improved animal health and welfare [my italics]’. The letter stated: ‘In general, management of dairy cows that are housed all year round is easier for the farmer [again, my italics]...’
Last week, it was reported ten per cent or more dairy cows (culled aged four or five) never see the light of day. Philip Lymbery, chief executive single Imran Khan in his mountain home, incidentally – no one respected my beliefs as they chomped on chicken and lamb, but nonetheless all alcohol was removed from our little tables as we drew closer to Pakistan.
What intrigued me too was a riposte to the haters by Mrs of Compassion In World Farming, said: ‘It is absolutely wrong to keep cows permanently housed and deny them their natural behaviour.’
And while dairy cows are generally kept in clean, warm barns, due to the rigours of the milk industry, beef cattle and their calves wintering inside generally stand up to their bellies in excrement, unable to lie down, freezing, their feet rotting (and if you don’t believe me, I have photos and videos). Regulations that state an animal needs somewhere dry to rest are routinely ignored, with no comeback for farmers who nonetheless love to rake in those subsidies.
Farming needs a new broom, literally… Khan: ‘Being a woman, you are a target for jealousy.’
While the green-eyed monster was probably not what fuelled her fundamentalist critics, I can’t help but agree that women – particularly successful, beautiful women, such as the new Mrs Clooney – seem to inspire thoughts in the minds of other women along the lines of: ‘How did she snag him? She’s not that special, or even that young!’
Cue a barrage of criticism of her hair and clothes.
I think women hate the clever and beautiful wives of successful, powerful men more than we hate the twentysomething bimbos in bikinis seen on board Leonardo DiCaprio’s yacht over the past few days.
We don’t want to be a bimbo, so we can dismiss them easily. They are stupid. The man doesn’t love them, he just uses them. They are disposable. Whereas Mrs Clooney, or Mrs Khan, might just have been us if we only had better hair and more confidence.
But I have to say I’m not remotely envious of the new Mrs Imran Khan.
I remember waiting for him on his terrace, seeing him stride across the lawn, wearing shorts, his hair mussed, two picturesque young sons in tow, and it was like seeing Mr Darcy emerge in a wet shirt from the lake. Ding dong!
But sitting with him on his balcony, listening to him drone on and on about politics for hours, strident, convinced he’s right, I wanted to cut my throat, or his. These men might look charismatic but they can bore for England. Even George Clooney, I imagine, hogs the bathroom mirror, and makes his wife watch Syriana.
ON TOP of all this, Reham will have to spend her life not just fighting off men in long white shirts, but also evil missives from women married to low-achieving lumps. Eager for a bit of bitchy female condemnation, I emailed one of Imran’s ex-girlfriends, who converted to his faith, for her views on his new wife. All she would say was: ‘It may take time to forget and accept someone who lived a Western lifestyle as their representative. Their marriage will be a new beginning and a service to the Pakistani people. I wish them happiness.’
The thing is, she genuinely means it. Many Muslims are simply much nicer than us. Something it’s easy to forget.