Deputy PM Eck? The Nationalists’ ultimate fantasy
THERE is a whisky-fuelled dream starting to gather pace in Nationalist circles that envisages Alex Salmond becoming Deputy Prime Minister after the General Election in May. At the moment, it is usually only discussed after the third or fourth dram, in a kind-of ‘just imagine what would happen if’ tone. But there are some who believe it actually could happen.
The scenario goes like this: the SNP dominates the Scottish election results, winning 40 to 50 of the 59 seats. The Lib Dems are crushed, losing more than half their 56 MPs.
Ukip does not do as well as many in the party hope (perhaps a dozen seats), but still does enough to deprive the Conservatives of a majority.
That would leave the SNP as Westminster’s third biggest party and with the ability to put either Ed Miliband or David Cameron in No10.
The Nationalists have already made it clear they would never side with Mr Cameron, leaving the only options a formal coalition with Labour or a deal to keep it in office on a confidence and supply basis.
But it is the formal coalition deal that must sound great, particularly to Mr Salmond. It would give him a place at the UK Cabinet table. Not only that, he would stand in for Mr Miliband when he was away, even taking Prime Minister’s Questions on occasion.
It must be intoxicating for the Nationalists even to consider such things. Imagine the concessions they could wring out of Mr Miliband: full income tax powers; total control over corporation tax; everything, in fact, short of independence itself.
They fantasise about Mr Salmond tearing them up at PMQs and putting all those Tory toffs in their place.
This is what should give Labour pause for thought. Mr Miliband should remember what happened the last time the leader of the third party became Deputy Prime Minister.
That was Nick Clegg in 2010, when he took over a room in the Scotland Office and a corridor was opened up which allowed him to commute back and forth to Downing Street without having to tread on any pavements or bump into any pesky voters.
Imagine what would happen if Mr Salmond was Deputy Prime Minister? Not only would he infuriate all those Labour ministers trying to get work done in the Scotland Office, he would be able to pop along that corridor and interrupt Prime Minister Miliband any time he liked.
It doesn’t take much imagination to work out quite what Mr Miliband would make of that.
One of the reasons the coalition government has worked is that Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg understand each other very well. They come from similar backgrounds (English public school and Oxbridge), they are of similar ages and, although they have different political ideologies, there is a degree of mutual respect and understanding that has allowed them to rub along well enough for there to be a genuinely united leadership at the top of the government.
Now consider Mr Miliband and Mr Salmond.
Mr Salmond has not had to bow to anyone’s authority for more than 20 years. He has run the SNP almost like an old-fashioned clan chief. He is also defiantly Nationalist, proud of his working-class Scottish roots and suspicious of what he dismisses as ‘London leadership’.
MR MILIBAND is exactly the sort of person Mr Salmond has been so contemptuous of in the past. He is a North London middle-class socialist. Not only that, he appears young, green and lacking in leadership experience. It is difficult to see that relationship lasting a month, let alone five years.
And what about Prime Minister’s Questions? It almost beggars belief that a former leader of the SNP could take charge of the UK Government at the most high-profile parliamentary event in the land.
How is the rest of Britain going to feel if it sees Mr Salmond answering questions on behalf of the UK Government, a man who wants to break up the country? Talk about the tail wagging the dog.
Discontent against Scotland and the Scots would grow and the only winners would be the Scottish Nationalists.
But it’s not just the Nationalists who see what would happen here. The Tories have started using an image of Mr Miliband and Mr Salmond cosying up to each other outside Number Ten to frighten voters in England, as well as Scotland. They know how scary this prospect is, so why can’t Mr Miliband see it?
The Labour leader may be desperate to get into No10; so desperate, in fact, that he is willing to consider any alliances – however unpalatable – to get him there.
But, if he is a Unionist, a real Unionist, then he should baulk at any deals with the SNP.
Indeed, I would suggest he uses a very, very long spoon when supping with Mr Salmond in the days after the election.
Otherwise, it won’t be just his Prime Ministerial power and authority that he cedes to the Nationalists, but the Union itself.