Is slippery Salmond secretly trying to get Dave elected?

THIS has been a week of memorable fakery. A Muslim Tory parliamentary candidate was caught colluding with ultra-nationalists to try to look good. The Government hatched a sneaky and dishonourable plot to destroy the Speaker, for daring to stand up to them.

So it seems to me to be worth asking if David Cameron and Alex Salmond are secretly working together.

The Tories claim to be outraged that the SNP say they will deny them a majority. Why? They have no divine right to rule.

Isn’t all this shouting too loud to be true? And the SNP’s voters, who can’t stand the Tories, would never forgive their leaders if they propped up a Cameron government.

The SNP is under no obligation to help the Tories into office, though you might get that impression from the toady Blairite media who have adopted David Cameron, the self-proclaimed heir to Blair, as their last best hope.

This, by the way, explains why Islington lefties and the BBC are so fervently backing David Cameron against Ed Miliband – and is one of the reasons why I am seriously thinking of registering to vote for the first time in 30 years, and casting my ballot for Labour.

The fashionable Left’s loathing of Mr Miliband, and the incessant spiteful bullying and belittling of this man by much of my trade, make me want to stand up for him against this nasty mob, even though I disagree with him about almost everything.

AT LEAST I actually know what the Labour leader’s true opinions are. This is more than can be said for Mr Cameron, whose real aims are harder to grasp than a lavishly greased piglet. So you see how the world’s turning upside down. Nothing’s what it seems in this Election. For instance, I think the SNP actually want the Tories to dominate the next government.

That’s why they are so helpfully playing this game in which Labour are damaged by being portrayed as Alex Salmond’s prisoners. If Scotland leaves the UK, Tory hopes of power grow, and Labour’s hopes dwindle.

Though nobody in the Tory high command will openly say this, the Conservative Party knows that its only hope of ever again commanding a West- minster majority and governing alone lies in a Scottish exit from the UK.

Nobody will ever be able to say for certain if the Government’s woeful mishandling of the referendum issue was delib- erate sabotage of the UK or mere incompetence. My own guess is that it was bungled ‘accidentally on purpose’, as we used to say in my childhood. What is certain is that it has brought Scotland closer to departure than anyone could possibly have imagined five years back.

And that one of the many unpleasant shocks waiting for us on the far side of this Election will be the break-up of our country, brought about with many crocodile tears, by the very party that pretends to stand for the Union.