The amazing online friendship that spurred this man to lose 28 STONE
This incurably ill British woman’s amazing online friendship with an American she’d never met spurred him to shed 28 STONE – and save his own life. Here, for the first time, she tells their heart-warming story. It’s truly...
MY FRIEND Brian Flemming used to have a recurring dream i n which he was running. ‘I don’t ever remember if I am going anywhere, but I feel elated and free,’ he told me.
And then he would wake up, and reality would slowly set in. That fleeting sense of joy ebbed away as Brian remembered the truth: he was trapped in a body that could barely carry him to his front door, let alone out of it.
At his heaviest, Brian weighed a staggering 45st – or at least that was the figure given to him by doctors after a hospital visit to treat a skin infection related to his obesity.
He has since confessed to me that he probably put on more weight after this as a result of his bingeing on junk food and alcohol. Some days he was consuming more than 7,000 calories.
In his darkest moments he was suicidal – yet, ironically, the main thing that stopped him was the shame of worrying how his body would be moved, as he was so big.
Today, though, Brian doesn’t have that dream any more. He is alive, well, and running is very much part of his everyday life.
In the United States, he is famous for losing a breathtaking 28st. The story of our friendship has been carried by the major news channels there, and Brian is now a figure of inspiration.
It was in part our unlikely friendship, developed over Facebook games called DrawSomething (it’s a bit like Pictionary), that spurred his remarkable transformation.
Together, we have since launched a support group known as Team 383 – named after the number of pounds Brian had lost when US news channel CNN first ran his story.
It aims to help people who are in similar situations. We hope to give them the assistance they need to overcome these seemingly insurmountable problems, just like Brian has.
I DIDN’T FEEL SORRY FOR HIM – I WAS FURIOUS
WHEN I first ‘met’ Brian, I didn’t know anything about him. I had no idea who he was or what he looked like.
And when I discovered the reality of his situation I wasn’t filled with sympathy – in fact I was furious.
You see, I suffer from a form of muscular dystrophy that, in all likelihood, will lead to my death. My father died at just 48 and we have since found he too had the disease. I am now 52 and although I am in good health at the moment, things can change rapidly.
My sister, who is a year older, also has the disease and is more profoundly affected than I am. She struggles to walk and has severe muscle problems.
So you can imagine my reaction when I found out that Brian had willingly made himself desperately ill.
Brian and I first came into contact in 2012. I was at home in London at some unearthly hour, lonely and seeking solace in internet games.
Hitting the ‘random match’ button on DrawSomething, I was instantly partnered with another lonely soul elsewhere on the planet. And that was Brian.
It turned out that he was in Canton, Michigan, and we enjoyed each other’s harmless company in this way for a number of months. Then he suggested we become friends on Facebook.
I was cautious, but before long I agreed. I scoured his Facebook page for photographs but could find only a couple of old ones in which he was partially obscured. Even so I could see he was very overweight.
What I didn’t know then was that his weight had almost doubled since those pictures were taken.
We continued our banter on Facebook, but I soon became aware of his occasional, uncharacteristic periods of self-pity and sentimentality. I challenged him and he confessed he was an obese alcoholic who suffered from depression.
He didn’t know his weight because he didn’t have access to scales that were able to accommodate him.
Brian has since told me he was secretive because he feared he would lose my friendship if I knew the truth.
PIZZA, BURGERS AND A BOTTLE OF VODKA A NIGHT
BRIAN suffered a variety of ailments relating to his weight and unhealthy lifestyle. Apart from depression, he had high blood pressure, suffered frequent bouts of the skin infection cellulitis, was a borderline diabetic and had an underactive thyroid. He was medicated accordingly.
He also drank a full-size bottle of vodka each night, and his diet consisted almost entirely of junk food, such as pizzas, burgers, chicken nuggets, fries and ice cream. I was horrified, but not from any moral stance.
My illness is called myotonic dys- trophy. It’s a genetic, incurable and progressive disease.
My sister was diagnosed in her late teens after displaying classic symptoms – cataracts and muscle paralysis. When a genetic test became available, I took it and it came back positive. Our younger brother doesn’t have it, luckily, and neither does our mother.
In my late 40s I had cataract surgery, but at the moment that’s been the only obviously related problem I’ve had. But as the odds are stacked against me, I do what I can to stay healthy. I exercise by cycling 16 miles to work each day, and I eat in moderation.
Brian, born with good health and 20 years my junior, should have been in the prime of his life. Instead he was throwing it all away and killing himself. I raged at him and he was shocked.
That day was October 13, 2012, and that was the day he stopped drinking. It was the first step of his journey to regaining his health and his life.
FROM WALKING ON THE SPOT TO 5k RACES
IT WASN’T so much a conscious decision that I would help Brian, but a progression of our friendship. He needed me, and I wanted to support him. I had, over the years, struggled with my own weight. I’m tall – 5ft 10in – and broad-shouldered, so I often dieted obsessively to try to fit the once fashionable waif look, only to put it all back on again.
Today, I’m a healthy size 12 but at
my heaviest I squeezed into size 16 clothes. That’s nothing compared to Brian, but I knew how hopeless yo-yo dieting was. I encouraged him to find a way of eating that was sustainable and aligned with his changing lifestyle.
I also urged Brian to exercise. He could barely move, so at first he paced on the spot at home for a few minutes each day, gradually increasing the intensity and duration of his workouts.
Eventually, he progressed to walking around the block outside – at 3am so he wouldn’t be seen. Because of the time difference between us, we would use the video-call service Skype – at first Brian would only be seen from the neck up, but before long he shared pictures with me of his progress.
He lost 7st over the first three months. He exercised every day come rain or shine, and continued to gradually ramp it up, from walking to running. Before long he was running 5k races.
Then he raised the subject of visiting me and I finally agreed that he could when he reached 20st.
HEALTHIER, FITTER – AND MORE HANDSOME
AT FIRST Brian limited himself to consuming 1,400 calories a day (but has eased up as he’s not really trying to lose weight now).
Now, a typical day for Brian starts with a couple of slices of turkey breast or a bowl of non-fat Greek yogurt and a glass of vegetable juice. For lunch and dinner, he often eats chicken and vegetables with rice. He still treats himself to a scoop of ice cream on a Friday but tends to avoid sugar and red meat.
In December 2013, he flew to London to visit me. It was his first time outside the United States.
I was very apprehensive but the moment I saw him, the relief was immense. He was taller (6ft 2in), slimmer and more handsome than he was in our Skype calls, but he was still the same kind, sensitive man I had got to know so well.
I ran up to him and gave him a huge hug and he just smiled and smiled. We’d been through so much together – but in the end I think we just chatted about the weather.
Two years after he changed his lifestyle, he is off all medication and generously credits me with saving his life. He recently completed his first half-marathon, raising money to support a myotonic dystrophy charity.
He is also aiming to run a full marathon. One day, if he can afford to, he hopes to be have his excess skin removed (it hampers his running) – a final legacy of his huge weight loss.
Team 383 already has more than 11,000 members who talk candidly about their heart-rending struggles in a safe environment that supports, encourages and inspires.
Some have already made huge strides in lifestyle and mindset changes, becoming healthier and experiencing significant weight loss as a result. That is what makes it all worthwhile.