Chests like sequined Himalayas...
ALREADY, Strictly is making headlines. The deeply irritating ex-Egghead CJ claimed he was snubbed in favour of Jeremy Vine, after declaring he would dance only with a same-sex partner (we can all breathe a big sigh of relief). And Ola Jordan allegedly threw a hissy fit when she was not paired with Peter Andre.
And so, to the real thing. Was it a documentary on the Himalayas, or the launch show? The eyepopping, sequined spectacle of female chests brought the show back with a glitzy vigour and panache that was everything Saturday night showbiz should be.
A spectacular opening sequence saw the stars and judges in a vibrant routine, complete with Craig Revel Horwood uttering the all too predictable words ‘Mind the gap’. Only Julian Clary could have infused the words with more innuendo. But my goodness, can Craig move. Joining the other judges in the dance opener, he received the biggest cheer as his teeth bared all for the camera. I am already asking major questions of the celebrities, though. Namely: Who are they? I barely recognised Daniel O’Donnell, whose hair has arrived from a planet yet to be discovered.
But I know Peter Andre, the bookies’ favourite, and surely anyone who can survive marriage to Katie Price can survive a paso doble with Janette Manrara, his partner (Oh, dear: Ola was doing so well hiding her disappointment, but nothing short of jaw surgery could have kept her smiling when Peter arrived on Janette’s arm).
The show is missing the ‘quirky’ one, whom viewers always love but producers fear when popularity starts to win over talent. The closest to ‘dud’ is probably BBC weather lady Carol Kirkwood, who has been paired with last year’s winner, Pasha Kovalev, thereby ensuring he won’t win two years in a row. ‘Everybody’s happy!’ gushed Claudia Winkleman (well, apart from Pasha and Ola).
Singer Jamelia was paired with Tristan MacManus, while Georgia May Foote was thrilled to be matched with ‘our new Italian stallion’ Giovanni Pernice. But paramedics must have been on standby when Anita Rani came face to face with Gleb Savchenko – well, she couldn’t actually look at him, she was so overcome. I could see where she was coming from. I had to hit the Evian myself.
So, let the dancing begin.