QUOTES of the week
‘If killing the enemy is murder then you should arrest me.’
Former Marine Jeff Saayman joins a protest in support of Sergeant Alexander Blackman, the Marine jailed for killing a wounded Taliban insurgent. ‘I recently offered to go again but they replied, “It’s very nice of you but frankly we’d rather have the Argentinians back.”’
Comic Jim Davidson jokes that his offer to entertain troops
in the Falklands again has fallen flat. ‘If Lloyd George could see his party this week he would not only turn in his grave but jump out of it.’
William Hague, as Lib Dem peers help defeat the
Tories’ tax-credit reforms. ‘Dog named Trigger shoots owner.’
BBC headline
about a labrador called Trigger which stepped on the loaded gun of its owner in Indiana, which resulted
in her being shot in the foot. ‘The rugby was out before we went on and it was one of the most violent things I’ve ever seen on television.’
Charlie Higson,
writer of ITV’s teatime drama Jekyll And Hyde, as it is revealed his show is being investigated by
Ofcom over its scary scenes. ‘It’s like entering a raffle when the winning ticket has already been drawn.’
Tory MP Andrew Bingham, after it was revealed that England’s
bid to host the 2018 World Cup was derailed by a secret Fifa deal. ‘If I did get the chance I’d smash it out of the park.’
Actor Tom Hardy is convinced he would make
a great James Bond. ‘We are following God’s first command. He said, “Go forth and multiply.”’
Mohammed Salim, a father of 11 who has claimed benefits for a decade, says he is just following God’s teachings. ‘It’s DAME Bitch to you.’
Dame Judi Dench, after a London taxi driver yelled at her ‘Mind where you’re going, you stupid
bitch’ during a road altercation.