QUOTES of the week

‘If I was a lady player, I’d go down every night on my knees and thank God that Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal were born because they have carried this sport.’

Raymond Moore, boss of the Indian Wells tournament, sparks controversy by claiming the women’s tour rides on the coat-tails of the men’s game.

‘Chill, I’m a nice person. I just hate everybody.’

Tay, a Holocaust-denying, feminist-hating artificial intelligence chatbot, which Microsoft was forced to shut down after it sent a series of offensive tweets.

‘My bum could break my back, it’s so enormous.’

Singer Adele, after she inadvertently twerked on stage at London’s O2 Arena.

‘Men need to play the field and spread their seed, whereas women don’t have that same biological urge.’

Veteran actor Edward Fox claims men are born to be unfaithful.

‘Clueless, spineless, charmless, gutless, brainless, pointless.’

Broadcaster Martin Kelner’s, description of BBC management who axed him from Radio Leeds after 30 years at the station.

‘I confronted a Muslim women [sic] yesterday in Croydon. I asked her to explain Brussels. She said “Nothing to do with me”. A mealy mouthed reply.’

Matthew Doyle comes under fire for his tweet following the Brussels terror attacks.

‘Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.’

Comic Jerry Seinfeld’s take on relationships.

‘It means that at the moment I am not alone. Somewhere on a hill facing the sea there is a very beautiful ancient stone and it’s not going anywhere. It will be there, waiting for me.’

Artist Tracey Emin announces that she has married a rock.

‘Pythagoras in boots.’ Sportswriter David Miller’s description of legendary Dutch footballer Johan Cruyff (left) – known for his precision and athleticism – who died last week aged 68.