QUOTES of the week

‘David Cameron’s resignation honours list is so full of cronies it would embarrass a medieval court.’ Lib Dem leader Tim Farron attacks the former PM’s farewell honours list – and probably removes himself from his Christmas card list ‘Make sure you don’t poke my eye out!’ Princess Anne’s volley at flagbearer Andy Murray as he struggles with the Union Jack before carrying it at the opening ceremony of the Rio Olympics. ‘“Fail fast, fix fast’’ is a leadership maxim I advocate... I failed exceptionally fast.’ Kevin Roberts, Saatchi & Saatchi chairman, takes his own advice as he quits after sexism row. ‘I can stop shopping in Aldi now and go back to Morrisons.’ Courteney Davies, 19, reveals she won’t be changing her spending habits too much despite a £12million share of her family’s £61million lottery jackpot. ‘God had a plan about sex. He made men incapable and women disinterested at a certain age.’ Former Bond girl Britt Ekland reveals that, at 73, sex is off the menu… and has been for 20 years. ‘Privates of the Caribbean.’ One of the more restrained comments about Pirates Of The Caribbean actor Orlando Bloom’s naked paddleboarding expedition with Katy Perry. ‘We’re in a pussy generation. Everybody’s walking around on eggshells.’ Tough guy actor Clint Eastwood bemoans political correctness in the US as he backs Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton for president. ‘It is shocking. It’s a ghetto; there has been inbreeding. There is a mass of crime, drug problems, huge unemployment.’ David Hoare, chairman of education watchdog Ofsted, won’t be holidaying in the Isle of Wight anytime soon after this explanation for its poor schools ‘I don’t think I can turn into people if everyone knows my inside leg measurement.’ Downton Abbey star Penelope Wilton, who played Isobel Crawley, when asked why she has never written her autobiography.