QUOTES of the week

‘Who wants to be called “mature” like an old cheese? It means on the verge of incontinence, idiocy and peevish valetudinarianism.’ Broadcaster Jeremy Paxman takes offence at magazine Mature Times – and is in turn accused of insulting the elderly.

‘If you have to be a millionaire to think that Jeremy Corbyn is a lousy leader, most of the country is secretly loaded.’ Author J.K. Rowling cannot believe the Labour leader is on the verge of being re-elected. ‘They’re very much into space now but I’m not sure if that’s due to me – or Star Wars.’ Astronaut Tim Peake suspects the adventures of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker have done more to inspire his sons.

‘I have more roots than Kunta Kinte.’ Coronation Street character Eva Price (played by Catherine Tyldesley, pictured) sparks a racism row with comments about her hair.

‘Is this a new way of being fired?’ BBC newsreader Emily Maitlis fears the worst after she mistakenly received a memo from her bosses about leaving the Corporation.

‘You’re not polished enough and that tie? It’s too loud.’ City banker blasts a candidate from a ‘non privileged background’ during an interview.

‘Our nation was built on chips and spam fritters.’ Master Chef’s Greg Wallace hits back at the Great British Bake Off’s Mary Berry over her dislike of deep-fat fryers.

‘What are you going to do? Fight him?’ New York snack bar worker after former boxer Mike Tyson helped himself to one of his ice creams without paying.

‘You will have great fun with clothes: PVC catsuits, chokers that say absurd things. It will never occur to you that you appear ridiculous.’ Victoria Beckham in a letter to her insecure 18-yearold self.