Mothers feel guilt – and anger

ALTHOUGH one in five confirmed pregnancies ends in miscarriage, it usually happens in the first three months. Late miscarriages are far more unusual and devastating, as Tessa’s story proves.

They can occur for any number of reasons – for example, if the mother has a chronic condition such as diabetes or heart disease, an infection, food poisoning or a structural problem within the womb. It is more common in multiple pregnancies.

And it is, as Tessa implies in her heartbreaking confession, more common in women having babies over the age of 40.

Close care and monitoring of at-risk mothers can help to prevent tragedy, but sadly, even with specialised care, some babies are lost.

After a late miscarriage, it should be possible to identify what has gone wrong to help parents understand, and also to try to ensure it is avoided for a further pregnancy. Understandably after such a traumatic event, couples can find it hard to consider going through another pregnancy and need support both medically and emotionally to do that. The grieving process will take time and patience.

Mothers who miscarry feel guilty, angry and very shocked. This is often compounded by investigations into the loss, as the baby may even require a post-mortem.

NHS counselling services, the Miscarriage Association (miscarriageassociation.org.uk), and Sands (uk-sands.org) offer all women the chance to talk about their loss. This is a valuable part of the healing process.

Hospital chapels also offer memorial services for parents who have lost babies to late miscarriage, and these services can be a great comfort too.