QUOTES of the week

‘There were no punches thrown, no face slapping. It’s what people in Hull would term “handbags at dawn.”’ Ukip MEP Mike Hookem, who was involved in a fracas which ended with colleague Steven Woolfe collapsing. ‘I like to be called Grandpa but sometimes they call me Baldy and that’s not right, is it. So disrespectful!’ Apprentice henchman Claude Littner on the downside of having grandchildren. ‘Fighting among themselves, tolerating anti-Semitism and supporting voices of hate. You know what people call them? The Nasty Party.’ Theresa May, who once used the same term to describe her own party, now turns her fire on Labour.

‘Grimsby fish filleter reels in a fortune for Wacko Jacko!’ Headline about Rod Temperton, a former fish-factory worker who wrote Michael Jackson’s greatest hits. He died last week aged 66. ‘No matter how many times you re-run the movie it has the same ending, which is me driving 100mph into a brick wall.’ Michael Gove admits he was wrong to betray Boris Johnson in the race for No10 after the Brexit vote. ‘You need to go to one that makes you look… well, not like a witch.’ Anne Robinson urges women to select the right plastic surgeon. ‘Arrogant. Nasty. Wanted a whole lot for nothing.’ US war hero Chuck Yeager’s description of Britons. ‘I had to run down the street in my undies but no one even turned from their cappuccinos. Not good for a girl’s confidence.’ Actress Sarah Alexander admits she was miffed to be ignored while filming in London.

‘People assume I spent every moment in the gym but I come from a family of twig people.’ Emily Blunt explains how she regained her figure after giving birth.