You won’t BELIEVE what they tell me!

I couldn’t move to the US. Can you imagine? Every time I go to LA I think I am too fat to go there. I think they are saying, “You are fat and you are old. Go home.” Emma Thompson gives a bizarre and ever-so-slightly paranoid explanation for deciding not to take her talents to Hollywood.

The look I am going for is bondage chauffeur. Lady Mary

Charteris, right, describes her daring outfit at the Kyle De’volle x JF London launch party.

I am like an eight-yearold American boy when I watch TV. I just flick through the channels because my attention span is so bad. Now 65, Clive Anderson reveals at the Chortle Comedy Awards that modernday telly doesn’t grab him.

I asked Donald Trump what his secret was for bringing up kids. He said, “One – no drink. Two – no drugs. Three – no room service.” Actor Richard E Grant, tells at an Advertising Week Europe talk, how he wisely sidestepped talk of fake or even real news and instead sought parenting policy from the President.

70 sounds so archaic, doesn’t it? When I was growing up, 70 sounded like the end of the world. He’s had plenty of time to prepare but Sir Elton John – who celebrated the landmark birthday last night – seems surprised to have reached septuagenarian status.

My mum’s maiden name is Bowie and, when I named my son after her, David Bowie called to congratulate me. I had to tell him the truth – I said, “This is awkward but I’m a real Bowie.” Luckily, the late rocker saw the funny side when The Voice judge Gavin Rossdale explained to him that his son actually wasn’t named as a tribute to him.