QUOTES of the week

‘My wife, kids and I were all straight-A students. All we need is someone with an F in maths to unlock our talent.’ Twitter user Banti Khyberman mocks Jeremy Corbyn (two Es at A-level), who claimed in a campaign advert that only his party could unlock the talent of the UK’s ethnic minorities.

‘It’s melting faster than Jeremy Corbyn under close analysis.’ Boris Johnson struggles with an ice cream while out in sunny Eastbourne.

‘DUI of the Tiger.’ New York Post headline after Tiger Woods was arrested on suspicion of ‘driving under the influence’.

‘I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris.’

President Trump on announcing the US withdrawal from the Paris climate accord.

‘You’re really classy. None of you are wearing an inappropriate low-cut top.’ David Walliams praises a female choir as fellow Britain’s Got Talent judge Amanda Holden, left, sports an ‘almost there’ dress on the show before the watershed.

‘Obesity and the shame that comes with it.’ Singer Robbie Williams on his greatest fear.

‘It must be a very long shortlist.’ Tory Jacob Rees-Mogg reacts to being short-listed by The Amorist magazine as Britain’s sexiest MP.

‘John has these very strong opinions which I know are going to last 15 minutes.’

Michael Palin explains why it’s best not to take fellow Python John Cleese too seriously.

‘I’ve had more paternity suits than casual suits.’ Engelbert Humperdinck reflects on his sex symbol status.

‘Never seen Jaden so happy! Even cried again myself.’ Peter Mann after Ariana Grande visited his Manchester bomb victim daughter in hospital.