Count him out
Energy Vampire Moyes now carries too much baggage to be in with shout for Scotland job
THE Energy Vampire. The mere mention of that wonderful nickname, reportedly coined for David Moyes by one exasperated former Sunderland player, has always raised a chortle. Until now. Until word emerged from Wearside that, having risen from the desiccated husk of the ill-titled Stadium of Light, The Energy Vampire is now — predictably — interested in the Scotland manager’s job.
There are several potential issues with this. One is that the SFA board, while remaining as tightly-bound to Gordon Strachan as a dog to his ringworm, will almost certainly think it is worth exploring. In the same way the overwhelming majority of ‘gay snakes and Chinese dog-eaters’ have let bygones be bygones to get right behind SFA performance director Malky Mackay and Project Brave, everyone will understand that threatening to give a woman a wee slap was just a joke, too, won’t they?
A little under 12 months ago, Scottish football also appeared to hold little appeal for Moyes. He spoke to Celtic about the managerial vacancy there, but saw greater appeal in the lunacy of Sunderland. As forward planning goes, it was right up there with Napoleon invading Russia.
At least he waited until the end of the second match of the season before proclaiming that the Black Cats would be involved in a relegation battle — ending up looking more and more like Gollum from Lord Of The Rings togged up in a suit and tie as the strain intensified and doomsday approached.
Moyes has already passed comment on the standard of player the irascible little Hobbit currently in charge of Scotland has to work with. His remarks will surely be remembered by some of those in the fold should Moyes become a serious contender for Strachan’s role.
‘The first thing I’d say is Gordon’s doing as best he can with what’s available. It’s very difficult for him to do much more,’ Moyes stated, in the wake of Scotland’s 3-0 pasting in Slovakia last October.
‘He’s trying to get the best out of them. Wales have a few Premier League players — Aaron Ramsey, Ashley Williams, Joe Ledley and a top player (Gareth Bale). Even Northern Ireland have the likes of Jonny Evans and Gareth McAuley, who play regularly. Scotland don’t have that many.’
Darren Fletcher, Andy Robertson, Robert Snodgrass, Ryan Fraser, James Morrison, Matt Phillips and others probably disagreed. Craig Gordon, Scott Brown, Kieran Tierney, Stuart Armstrong, James Forrest and Leigh Griffiths were all involved in the Champions League. They didn’t come across many Northern Irish players — or Welsh ones, for that matter — in Europe’s elite club competition. It is something Scotland’s current crop of talent has become used to, though. As name after name came out of the woodwork to protect Strachan in his darkest days last year, the players were written off as no-marks, average, nothing like the guys we had in the past.
The overriding narrative: Sacking Strachan is pointless because no manager could succeed with dross like that.
Sure, before the campaign had even started, Strachan, himself, took the squad away on needless, confidence-destroying friendlies against France and Italy and described us as a nation of ‘scared footballers’, unable to move or control the ball properly.
Yet, despite erratic team selections, misguided faith in individuals such as Grant Hanley and the exposed Oliver Burke, along with a refusal to play the free-scoring Leigh Griffiths until desperation demanded it (and he was out of the Celtic starting line-up), the players still have a faint chance of making next summer’s World Cup.
It says much of the way the campaign has gone that we have to beat England, the group’s top seeds, to have any serious hope of progressing and it remains tough to see that happening. But all is not quite lost yet.
If the side can open at Hampden on Saturday with the sense of purpose shown in the first half against Slovenia in March, we can unsettle England. Although beaten comprehensively in the end, the game at Wembley last year showed that was possible.
We have limitations. If we are not willing to examine whether three at the back might offer added security, we are probably best to go again with Charlie Mulgrew and Russell Martin.
Are we really to accept, though, that a team including the likes of Griffiths, Armstrong, Tierney, Snodgrass, Robertson, Morrison or Fraser cannot ask questions of international opposition? They can find strength in each other against England and we wish them well.
Should we also feel sympathy for Strachan as another coach appears through the shadows while the vultures circle?
Maybe Gareth Southgate, his opposite number, will have an opinion. Strachan took Southgate’s job at Middlesbrough in 2009 and, on his appointment, insisted that he had refused to discuss the position whilst the now-England boss was in situ.
‘(Middlesbrough chief executive) Keith (Lamb) told me he had interviewed Gordon Strachan in London for my job more than two weeks earlier, on the night before we beat Reading,’ Southgate revealed shortly afterwards.
‘Apparently, I was going to get the sack then, but we’d played so well that Steve (Gibson, the chairman) decided he couldn’t do it.’
Whatever the truth, Strachan is a hard guy to love but we do have to get behind the team on Saturday.
‘HIS REMARKS WILL SURELY BE REMEMBERED IF HE BECOMES A CONTENDER’