You won’t BELIEVE what they tell me!

I once nicked a book on 17th Century witchcraft from the Boston University library. Take me away now and get the orange jumpsuit. Loyd Grossman, 66, confesses to his criminal past as a student. Retiring? It’s the first step to the knacker’s yard.

Sir Michael Parkinson explains why he’s still busy working at the tender age of 82. Jamie and I got into bed and turned on the news to find Sky reporting we had split up. We just sat there for an hour watching all about how we had broken up. It was surreal! Louise Redknapp, right, tells me at the Next Glamour Awards that reports of a split from former footballer Jamie were somewhat inaccurate... I never have a style in mind, I just hack my hair to pieces. Joanna Lumley reveals to me at the Grange Park Opera that she’s her own hairdresser. I was going to have to spend £20 million repairing my house. But luckily a Chinese businessman worth £5.5 billion bought it, and to him that’s small change.

Lord Brocket, at the A Night For Life Ball, reveals that he is in awe of the wealth of the man who bought Brocket Hall. I remember my late friends with tattoos. I have a white bumble bee for Joan Rivers and a black butterfly for Amy Winehouse, because at her funeral a black butterfly landed on my arm.

Kelly Osbourne shows me her body art and reveals the touching secrets behind them.