QUOTES of the week

‘Sir just Robin arrived Cricketerof at LoxleyNick the Compton,Oval.’has to Surreyafterbe abandonedthe and match Middlesex betweenbecausehad an arrowon to the was pitch.fired ‘I in won’tfront of wear my a husband swimsuit so doing I’m it not for goingthe nation.’to be will be Actressfully coveredFay Ripleyup in the new series of Cold Feet. ‘They’re terribly unflattering and become see-through when wet. Enough said.’ Olympic cycling legend Sir Chris Hoy on the perils of wearing white Lycra shorts. ‘I went to the gates of hell and brought back an angel.’ Pop star Paloma Faith relives the trauma of her 20-hour labour. ‘It’s not that Yorkshire’s racist, it’s that Yorkshire is very blunt and doesn’t sugarcoat anything.’ Rotherham MP Sarah Champion, who was sacked from the Shadow Cabinet over her comments on sex grooming gangs. ‘It’s the least erotic thing of all – unless your idea of eroticism is standing in a room with 12 electricians and having your bum made up between takes.’ Bill Nighy confesses that he hates sex scenes. ‘Surgeons are busy enough. Let them do proper jobs.’ Mary Berry has no desire to have a nip and tuck because she likes her wrinkled face. ‘I make Icarus look rather unambitious. There’s no point being mediocre at anything.’ Tycoon Sir David Tang, who died last week aged 63, sums up his outlook on life. ‘Tchaikovsky could write a symphony with your snoring. They go from contralto to basso soprano – the whole way.’ Percy Gibson teases wife Joan Collins, left, about her tuneful snoring.