QUOTES of the week

‘He is begging for war.’ Top US diplomat Nikki Haley, as she warns Kim Jong Un that Washington’s patience with him is running out.

‘I’d like to see David Davis flambé a baked Alaska tableside while pouring my Sauternes.’ Foodie Hugh Wright attacks the Brexit Secretary’s suggestion that hospitality industry staff are ‘unskilled’.

‘The only two things I’ve got headlines for are buying a shed and having a fag. Next time I’ll have a fag behind the shed.’ David Cameron, who has tried to keep a low profile since leaving No 10.

‘It’s really simple: blow up a Death Star.’ Star Wars actor Mark Hamill when asked what it takes to become an icon.

‘For those of you in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.’ John Motson with a rare slip – he is retiring after 50 years as a BBC football commentator.

‘How is it only September 5? I can’t take 25 more days of this. If you know or love a midwife, please stop sh ****** at Christmas.’ Midwife Mhairi Maharry jokingly urges couples to show restraint after a baby boom at her London hospital.

‘I had no idea people on benefits were into champagne.’ Judge Gary Garland to Nichola Voutas, who stole a £25 bottle from a Co-Op store.

‘My salary is high compared to academics. Compared to a footballer, it looks very different.’ Oxford vice-chancellor Louise Richardson seeks to defend her £350,000-a-year pay deal.

‘It’s outrageous. I haven’t got time for this. I’ve just started a new programme. I don’t want to die.’ Broadcaster Victoria Derbyshire recalls her reaction after being told that she had breast cancer.