Grrr... This cool cat’s not as hot as it looks
Sportline doesn’t exist. Deal? Here we go then.
The XF Sportbrake is without doubt an extremely cool cat to look at, from the latest incarnation of what has now become the signature renaissance grille and portentous bonnet bulge to the fat back and raked rear roof line. Everyone who laid eyes on it loved this car. The designers have nailed it.
As they have the interior, where one is greeted by a veritable delight of sporty goings-on. A rugged and handsome mix of English country gent and Côte d’Azur playboy. The best of British, fully loaded, ready to take on anything Europe’s fashionistas care to throw at it. Starting with the two-tone leather trim throughout, stitched to a standard that would make Savile Row’s finest swell with pride, enhanced further by a beautifully fashioned wraparound dash. The illusion of forward momentum without a wheel being turned.
That’s the good news. Spend a little longer in the cockpit, however, and one could be forgiven for concluding that, notwithstanding the above, someone accidentally pressed the ideas ‘pause’ button thereafter. The standard Jag/Land Rover tech is starting to look dated, the graphics now seem too small, as if someone has chosen the wrong font, and the switchgear feels bitty, randomly proportioned, cheap and fiddly.
When it comes to describing what this car is like to drive, I almost want to stop typing. Not that there is anything particularly disastrous to report. It actually handles extremely well, but it needs to do everything really well, and unfortunately that’s not the case. From a driving point of view, in all other respects it is average at best. This is a modern Jag shooting brake, for heaven’s sake, in R-Sport trim. It needs to get the juices flowing. Out on the open road, the difference between the driving modes doesn’t actually register as being that different. Sport, for example, simply feels as if the car is still in Drive but is just being whipped a bit more aggressively. In Eco and Snow modes, again, it feels as if it’s in Drive, but this time being driven by your granny wearing silk slippers. As for the engine and exhaust note, they are mildly exciting, but why not sample a few notes from the F-Type’s soundtrack and stick them into the mix?
Sure, the car looks the business and has plenty of room for baggage, both human and whatever else. But – and it’s a big but – this is a premium Jaguar sports grand tourer that can only muster 0-60mph in 6.7 seconds yet costs close to £60k.
Nah. I’m sorry, that just doesn’t wash. I love Jaguar Land Rover, but I never want to see them going back to the bad old days of relying on their badge and back story as opposed to simply being brilliant in the here and now.
The good news is that I hear the E-Pace and I-Pace are pretty much as good as it gets. The bad news is that the Skoda Sportline, which costs £38k more or less fully loaded, notches up 0-60 in 5.8 seconds…
PS. My eldest boy, Noah, says I have to mention the panoramic sunroof, which can be operated by gesture control. Apparently that makes up for everything. ‘It’s awesome!’
EVERYONE WHO LAID EYES ON IT LOVED THIS CAR