The good, the bad and the downright ugly

The Collection by Debenhams, £40

This absolute monstrosity has got padding and underwiring yet still sags in all the wrong places because it’s cheap. Its built-in skirt is to be avoided at all costs. From afar, it looks like the equivalent of a middleaged woman wearing a mini-skirt – an over50s no-no I do agree with. Women buy them to cover up sizeable bottoms, but it’s the equivalent of tying a cardigan around your waist.

S. Oliver Red Label, White Strap Bikini, £50

Stay away from white bikinis if you have big boobs. This one makes me look like I’m wearing a bra and knickers. Oddly, showing more breast on a bikini gives a slimming illusion. Women think white will show off their tan, but other colours, such as yellow, can do this too. Cheaper fabrics go see-through and sun cream can turn them yellow. If you must wear white, make sure that it’s a halterneck tie at the top.

Olympia, Multi-printed Underwired Bikini, £45 (multi-coloured, animal print)

The best discovery I’ve made is flip-top bikini bottoms – brilliant for hiding muffin tops – like these ones from Olympia. The structured top supports my boobs and the print is bright and youthful without looking muttony.

Eres, Aquarelle square-neck swimsuit, £235

The key is not to show too much cleavage. Big boobs are very matronly. Swap plunging necklines and V-shapes for cuts that go straight across. This one-piece from Eres is simple and clean. Yes, it’s expensive but spend the money. On more pricey suits, the fabric will be thicker and will hold you in more. They’ll be lined and well seamed.