Parents warned: Don’t make kids sit on Granny’s knee...unless they give consent

PARENTS should not tell their children to sit on a relative’s knee, according to controversial new advice for families.

The guidance – backed by NHS boards, councils, quango Education Scotland and the Scottish Government – is intended to encourage ‘home support’ for lessons on consent, designed to help protect children from sexual abuse.

And although most parents would suggest their child might hop on to Granny’s knee or give her a kiss without a second thought, the advice counsels against that.

Yesterday critics said the suggestion goes too far and risks damaging loving family bonds.

Chris McGovern of the Campaign for Real Education said: ‘The people who drew up this advice are the ones in need of help because they are dehumanising family relationships. This is a really sinister development. It’s appalling and should sound alarm bells.

‘There are occasional abuses, we know that, but this is completely unacceptable – and it’s also damaging to the child. Children need physical contact.

‘It’s awful for the development of children to find that they are being encouraged to suspect the motives of loving relationships.’

The document drawn up to accompany lessons on consent in schools suggests to parents that youngsters might prefer to ask relatives for a handshake or a wave instead of closer contact like a peck on the cheek.

It states: ‘At home you can make sure you don’t tell your child they have to kiss someone goodbye or sit on someone’s knee – they can decide!’ The advice for parents of P2, P3 and P4 pupils is published as part of an online draft teaching resource – Relationships, Sexual Health and Parenthood – drawn up by independent agency TASC (Scotland).

The section on consent aims to help protect children against abuse by teaching them that their body belongs to them.

The section for parents says: ‘You are your child’s first and most important teacher. With your child at school there is the opportunity for parents/carers and schools to work together to help your child to learn.’

It adds: ‘“My body belongs to me!” This is the big message we want to get over to children at school. Children can learn that being touched is their choice. You can give your child the clear message that if anyone touches or tries to touch their private parts they can tell you and they will never get in to trouble for such a thing.’

Recommended books parents and children can read together include Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Spelman.

A note at the start of the book says: ‘There is a big difference between a friendly hug and sexual abuse. However, to protect our children against sexual abuse we must realise that abuse is only the most extreme end of a continuum of unwanted touch.’

A suggested lesson plan on consent for children in P5, P6 and P7 gives pupils examples of ‘difficult situations’ and asks them to decide what to do.

One says: ‘Robbie’s aunt and uncle are visiting. They are leaving soon and his Mum says “Robbie, go give Auntie Rose and Uncle Derek a kiss goodbye”. Robbie really doesn’t want to kiss them goodbye. What can Robbie say or do?’

A spokesman for the Family Education Trust campaign group said such material ‘risks opening a very intrusive state window into the private lives of parents and children’.

He added: ‘If taken to its logical conclusion, all physical affection among family members could be treated as suspect.

‘Children are able to recognise there is all the difference between on the one hand self-consciously kissing an uncle or aunt on the cheek or sitting on Grandpa’s knee, and on the other, accepting unwanted sexual advances.’

Age Scotland chief executive Brian Sloan said: ‘While it is really important to empower children in their decision-making, it would be sad if an unintended consequence was a sterilisation of family and intergenerational relationships.’

A spokesman for NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde, on behalf of the partnership behind the resource, said: ‘It is likely the material will continue to evolve over the remainder of the academic year.’

‘Big difference between a hug and sex abuse’