Should I give up shopping in case I become a thief ?

SHOULD I be shopping, if I have dementia? Why not, you might say. Well, I recently read somewhere – please don’t hold it against me for not remembering exactly where – that those with ‘the A Word’ can end up stealing things from shops without realising it, and even become kleptomaniacs.

The idea is actually slightly ridiculous to me.

I think the last time I thought about such things was when I was 13 and desperately wanting a flash pair of shoes that I couldn’t afford.

Of course, I never did anything about it.

But could dementia turn me into a middle-aged shoplifter?

The story of Lady Isobel Barnett, a regular on radio and TV in the 1960s, sprang to mind.

The one-time What’s My Line panellist had long disappeared from the public eye when, in 1980, it emerged that she’d been caught stealing a tin of tuna and a carton of cream worth about 87p from her local grocer, and given a fine.

During her trial, it emerged that she had made a concealed pocket that she pinned to the inside of her coat.

A few days later, tragically, she took her own life. Lady Isobel was a widow by then, and was said to be depressed. But what would drive a middle-aged woman to steal things she could easily have bought, and perhaps didn’t need?

Was it a cry for help or, as I began to wonder, was she suffering from undiagnosed dementia? We’ll never really know. Petty theft isn’t something I’d wish to dabble in but this blasted condition, among other things, can cause personality changes.

A recent study found eight per cent of dementia patients ended up committing crimes, including theft. And according to online forums where people chat about these things, it’s not just a case of absent-mindedly walking out with something in your hand and forgetting to pay.

My fellow A Word types claim to know what they’re doing – and say they just couldn’t stop themselves. It is a horrible feeling, to not quite be in control of yourself. One example of this is, as I’ve often said in this column, that I have a tendency to repeat myself. I don’t mean to. My friends usually shrug it off but fairly regularly, my longsuffering husband Chris – who has to put up with it the most – will say to me, when I ask him a simple question or tell him something about Benny, my dog: ‘For God’s sake, why do you have to keep saying that?’

Eventually, in frustration I’ll blurt back: ‘Because I f ****** well can’t help it!’

AND it’s true. I know it’s difficult for him, but I don’t know I’m doing it. I repeat myself because I’ve forgotten that I said it the first (or second, or third) time.

When I mentioned to Chris, halfjokingly, that I didn’t know if I was safe going shopping because dementia could turn people into petty thieves, he got a bit cross.

‘Well, you shouldn’t be going if you can’t control yourself,’ is how he put it.

But the thing is, I’ve always loved shopping, ansd always for stuff I could probably do without: trinkets, bobble hats, cosy cashmere jumpers, dog toys, cute glittery boxes of soap. I just enjoy browsing, and occasionally buying things, but I’ve never stolen anything – that I know of.

I don’t want to end up like Lady Isobel, being hauled into court for pinching a pack of novelty Post-Its and some bubble bath.

I was brooding on this for a while when I mentioned it to my good friend Liz, with whom I go for regular walks. She told me not to worry: ‘Just go for it, you’ve got the perfect excuse!’

I’m sure she was kidding, but I suppose she’s also right.

There is a wider understanding these days that dementia is not just about forgetfulness. It makes us do things and act in ways that we can’t explain too.

The more we talk about it all, the better it’ll be for people like me and those who are further down the line with this illness.

Now, I’m off to TK Maxx. Because, for the time being I’m not a menace to society.

But I have come up with another solution, should the day ever come that I can’t be trusted in a supermarket – and I don’t mean going in for a microwave curry and coming back home with a box of light bulbs instead.

I’ll just go shopping online.