£40 dress EVER YONE’S wearing
Loads of women can But carry LIZ JONES it off. says Zara’s frock of the summer is so voluminous it can been seen from outer space!
I’M ON Kensington Church Street in West London on one of the hottest days of the year wearing what is the hottest dress of the year: £39.99 of made-in-Morocco viscose from Zara. It’s covered in spots and now I too am coming out in a rash, given the man-made fabric is microwaving my internal organs. It is an insubstantial sack, with three-quarter-length sleeves, a high, round neck, and a billowing skirt – or is it a sail? – reaching almost to the ankle.
It has a pie-crust hem, which reminds me of 1970s Laura Ashley, and not in a good way. The finishing touch is a seam somewhere about half-mast, or just below the bust, to indicate where your waist might be, if only you could find it.
Habituated as I am to tailoring, I feel strangely exposed within its voluminous shape.
It’s so all-enveloping that – if you are one of the thousands who have bought it – passers-by will assume, depending on your age, that you are either pregnant or Ann Widdecombe.
Zara refuses to give sales figures worldwide, but if anecdotal evidence is anything to go by, these spots have infected tens of thousands, like a particularly virulent strain of measles.
The dress has ‘gone viral’ – it has been bought by so many women that it now has its own Instagram account, @hot4thespot, which describes itself as ‘a safe space for *the dress*’ and is only serving to spread its contagion wider. Anyone who comes into contact with it seems to buy it. And anyone wearing it risks being papped and having their image uploaded for the delight of the account’s 2,500-plus followers.
I must admit some of them look rather glamorous. And there are many ways to wear it.
But catching sight of myself in a shop window, I realise I resemble Mrs Rochester on a bad day: certifiable. I have the silhouette of SpongeBob SquarePants.
When a breeze gets up, the dress inflates, like a barrage balloon. If things kick off with Iran, the army could just float me off Ramsgate to ward off all comers. If they brought us dress-owners together we could defend Britain’s entire coastline.
In the course of five minutes, two women in my dress do indeed float towards me: delightfully dotty doppelgängers. They look far prettier in it than I do.
There is no shame, no crossing of the road, no heads down. Instead, there are broad grins of recognition that we are part of a club. We are of the school where comfort is king, which is all very well unless the weather gets even hotter and the darn thing melts.
THE sort of women who have chosen this dress are not looking for a fiance – it’s the ultimate man repeller, after all, revealing only wrists and ankles. Worn with flip flops or trainers, it’s a frump fest. But I suppose it could look rather fabulous. Am I being too harsh?
Lots of women like it, after all. Take Jenna Williams, a 23-year-old medical student from Leeds. ‘It’s long and floaty and if you’re bloated it hides it,’ she says. ‘People might say it’s man-repelling, but my boyfriend really likes it.’
Emily Ingle, a 27-year-old account manager, agrees it’s the comfiest dress she’s owned: ‘It’s easy breezy. You chuck it on and off you go.’
Stefanie Powell, a 31-year-old restaurant manager, adds: ‘I bought it for a holiday and now wear it for work because it’s bouncy. I don’t wear things for other people, but to feel comfortable.’
The dress is an ice breaker, too.
It’s a leveller, a uniform that means you’re the sort of gal who can change plugs and get ready as quickly as a man. ‘Earlier I served someone who was also wearing it,’ Stefanie confirms.
What makes a garment go viral? This dress has been around since April, but as sales soared in a pyramid fashion (like the dress itself), Zara, which prides itself on being both fast and new, changed tack and continued to make it. While stock in many branches is low, it’s still available online.
Many of the women I spoke to inevitably saw it first on social media. Eliza Roadnight, a 22-yearold actress, says: ‘I decided to get it because I saw someone on Instagram wearing it.’
For a garment to have legs it needs to be the right price, and be able to be worn by all ages and sizes. This dress starts at XS, and goes up to XXL, meaning it’s the first high street dress visible from space.
A viral garment must be no-nonsense, too: this is machine washable, and drip-dries in minutes. What to do if you’ve bought it but fear friends stepping out in it to the same event? I say wear it with pride – but with a few personal and edgy styling tweaks.
A skinny belt at the waist, the fabric bunched over it in a blouson, making it that few all-important inches shorter. I can’t stand the constricting high round neckline, so I’d wear mine backwards and leave the fastening open.
Or better still, keep yours in the wardrobe for a few years, then wheel it out as a classic.
And another plus? It repels moths as well as men…