QUOTES of the week

‘Once Upon A Time In Hollywood was nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and, by the end, his date was too old for him.’

Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais pokes fun at the star and his penchant for young girlfriends.

‘All this just so that Meghan can play herself in The Crown.’

Twitter joke after the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s shock announcement.

‘Of course Meghan Markle is attacked by the British press because she’s black, and of course Prince Harry is right to defend her. What a foul country this is.’

His Dark Materials author Philip Pullman provokes anger with his interpretation of events.

‘By the time they are 25, they look 35. It is very sad.’

Actress Britt Ekland cannot understand why such young women are undergoing cosmetic surgery.

‘Gritter Thunberg.’

Name of a new salt-spreader in Manchester, in a nod to activist Greta Thunberg.

‘Ten out of ten? How about minus 59, the number of MPs we lost.’

Labour MP ridicules leadership hopeful Rebecca Long Bailey for awarding Jeremy Corbyn a perfect score.

‘Sad that his total professionalism will be replaced by someone who is considered to be more in touch with the youth of today, even though they will know sod all.’

Sky Sports presenter Jeff Stelling leaps to the defence of Mark Pougatch, 51, who has been axed by Radio 5 Live.

‘You know what, posh people have feelings too.’

Singer James Blunt, who believes criticism about his music is unjustified.

‘Some loyalists will feel that the waters are rising and protective sandbags should urgently be thrown around Jenni Murray and Jim Naughtie.’

Libby Purves fears for Radio 4 after the loss of some key presenters.