QUOTES of the week

‘Don’t Take Me Out, Queue I, Lonely Connect, Farther Ted, Changing Zooms, The VERY

Hairy Bikers.’

Pointless host Richard Osman jokes about a list of lockdown-themed TV programmes he plans to pitch to executives.

‘Don’t be a fatty in your 50s.’

Boris Johnson’s reported remark on avoiding coronavirus, after research finds that being obese doubles the risk of needing hospital treatment.

‘Be sensible in what you are doing, stay two metres apart when you can, wear your PPE. I’m not sure – what do you want? A full handbook to tell you what to do?’

Plumber Ryan Price tells Channel 4 that returning to work really shouldn’t be that difficult.

‘High heels just feel really antifeminist to me – we’re like birds on stilts.’

Former Bond actress Eva Green admits she isn’t a fan of stilettoes.

‘FOGO.’ Acronym,

meaning Fear Of Going Out, to sum up the feelings of Britons wary of life post-lockdown.

‘He slipped quietly away with no pain or suffering and is now buried in the garden with lots of tennis balls. Rest now old friend. See you in the sweet bye and bye.’

Gardener Monty Don’s tribute to his golden retriever Nigel, who has died aged 11.

‘Work, sleep, a vodka cocktail, not much sun.’

Fashionista Vera Wang’s tips for staying youthful as she turns 70.

‘I put down the doughnut.’

Jax Hall, an Adele impersonator, reveals what she did when she saw photos of the singer’s radical weight loss.

‘He is Mr Darcy and I am Bridget Jones. We have this fire.’ Angela Rayner, Labour’s deputy leader, tells students about her relationship with Sir Keir Starmer.