QUOTES OF THE WEEK

‘Well, it wouldn’t be an all-white cast, for sure.’ Friends actress Lisa Kudrow, when asked whether the hit sitcom would be made today.

‘Reception and Year 1 pupils… who are mucky, who spread germs, who touch everything, who cry, who wipe their snot on your trousers or on your dress.’ Teachers’ union boss Mary Bousted’s offensive remarks about children, as she opposes back-to-school plans.

‘We are likely to face a recession the likes of which we have never seen.’ Chancellor Rishi Sunak as the lockdown causes havoc to the economy.

‘This pandemic has fully, finally torn back the curtain on the idea that so many of the folks in charge know what they’re doing. A lot of them aren’t even pretending to be in charge.’ Barack Obama criticises the Trump administration over its handling of the crisis.

‘Knowing me, furloughing you, AHA!’ The Sun headline as Alan Partridge star Steve Coogan was revealed to be using Government money to furlough the gardener and housekeeper at his £4million home.

‘Can we have it delivered before Monday if possible as that’s her 30th. Nice one.’ Inscription Daniel Varey mistakenly ordered to be put on a gin glass for his girlfriend Hayley Woodward – it was meant to say ‘Happy birthday princess’.

‘If I could have one night with Jason Statham,

I’d die happy.’ Lil Cox, 95, one of Britain’s oldest identical twins, who also jokes that ‘plenty of sex’ is the key to her long life.

‘A poor man’s Alec Guinness.’ Fred Astaire’s self-deprecating description of himself, as revealed in a letter to fellow actor Lionel Jeffries. The note is now up for auction.